Tag Archives: healing

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Why Do I feel scared, ashamed, hopeless, rejected, angry or powerless?

suffering

Want to know why you feel so screwed up? Well, it is probably  from wounds created by sin that has you believing a lie in which you have then made vows to do or not do this or that  ever again in an attempts to get control over your pain or fear or distrust or feelings of powerlessness.  How do you fix it? Read on.

(This is a long piece and meant only for those who desire to understand what their root wounds are that are causing such great suffering in their lives due to a life of neglect, trauma or abuse). 

WOUNDS CHART

sin separates

From the very beginning of the Bible sin is defined as separation from God. It is also spoken of as a transgression, which means to violate the law.  Since the law is meant to protect us and the world we live in, we see that sin is not only a violation of God but a violation of us and of all creation.  When we sin we separate ourselves from God, transgress against his will and against one another and against all of creation.  This is the condition we live in due to original sin.

The word sin can also be understood as missing the mark.  Greek archers used the word sin when an archer would aim for a target but miss the mark, they would fall short of their target.  Many of us aim to please God yet we all fall short of the glory of God.

So with these biblical definitions I think we can agree that we are all sinners.  All of us live in that place of struggle in which we miss the mark, transgress upon the will of God and in doing so violate one another and ourselves

So all of us are sinners and our sin has it’s effects by creating wounds.  Sin always wounds.  Our sin wounds us every time.  But we are also wounded by the sins of those around us. So it seems very clear that we have no possibility of living in this world without being wounded.

Sin is like cancer in that if it’s ignored it will grow in our bodies.  As Christians we are called to be the body of Christ.  We are to make Christ visible in and through our lives. We are to be living signs, our families an icon of the Trinitarian love of God revealing truth, life and love to the world.  When we sin, the effects of our sin spreads in three directions thus marring our ability to reveal Christ to the world.

spreads

Sin spreads socially, to all those around us.

When we sin, we diminish Christ’s glory, not that Christ’s glory can be diminished but certainly our ability to be an icon that reveals His Glory can be diminished.  How can someone see Christ in us when our sin is the first thing someone sees when they look at us.

Scripture tells us in Genesis, Exodus and Deuteronomy that sin also has an effect for generations. Some scriptures say ten generations.  Many of us are not only dealing with our own sinfulness but with sin that has had it’s effects in our families down through the generations. For people who have been abused, simple affection can be difficult to give to their children.  Those children then have difficulty with affection and so you see that the same affects of the sin from abuse has its affects down the generations.

generations

When I began my journey in inner healing and realized my own sinfulness as a result of my wounds I discovered that the same wounds that had been passed down through the generations to me did not stop there.  I realized I was in fact responsible for bringing the same kind of pain to the people in my family.  This led me to become overwhelmed with grief.

How can we prevent hurting our own children? The answer is we can’t.

The only thing we can do is to continue to clean up our hearts. The cleaner our hearts become the better we can love those around us.  It is like our heart is a vase meant for holding flowers but with sin and wounds our “vase” is cracked and holds sludge instead of water.  When we clean out the sludge and allow Christ to heal us, we can retain His grace to love others the way He loves and the water is not tainted with the sludge.

clean

 

The reason why we are struggling in this world is not because we are somehow strange or because we are not faithful or pious enough, it is because we live in a world that has been divided because of sin. Being faithful and growing in holiness can help us in our struggles but unless we address our wounds we may find ourselves carrying a larger struggle than God desires for us to carry by ourselves.

struggle

“There are many kinds of wounds but what they all have in common is that they affect us in such as ways as to give us a taste of hell.” Says  Dr. Bob Schuchts,  founder of the John Paul II healing center and creator of healing retreats in Tallahassee Florida.  These retreats are what I believe have saved my marriage and saved my own children from growing up even worse off than perhaps I was.  While taking his course “Sexual Healing and Redemption” at the Theology of the Body Institute, he spoke of 6 common wounds that many of us carry.  He bases that number off of the Theophostic Healing research done by Ed Smith’s work who lays out 7 common wounds.  Dr. Bob has condensed the list to 6.   He lists them as follows:

wound hearts

1) Abandonment Wounds.  “I am all alone and I will always be alone”.

2) Fear or terror wounds.  “I can’t trust anybody.”

3) Shame.  “I’m unworthy, I’m unlovable.”

4) Powerlessness.  “I have no ability to do anything.  I can’t change anything.”

5) Rejection.  “I’m unacceptable, I’m disgusting, I’m repulsive.”

6) Hopelessness.  “I can’t change anything.”

7) Identity Wounds.  “I am garbage, I am nothing, I do not matter”.

When events in our lives cause us suffering, the devil, the enemy of our soul, comes to us in that moment and proposes a lie to us much like a groom would propose marriage to us.  If we believe the lie he proposes, we are then opening ourselves to him.  This is a foothold.  St. Paul tells us how sin can becomes a foothold using anger as an example.

“Do not be angry and sin in your anger and give the devil a foothold”.

castle

We are either in relationship with God or relationship with the devil.  We are either walking in truth or walking in a lie.  When Eve was in the garden of Eden, the devil came and proposed his lie to her that God could not be trusted, that he was keeping something back from her by not allowing her to eat from the tree of knowledge.  He was proposing that God did not love her.  When Eve ate the apple, she was accepting the proposal of the devil, she accepted his lie and just like any marriage there was fruit that came from her accepting the proposal.  The fruit was death.  When we accept the lies that the devil proposes to us we too our severing our union with God and are uniting ourselves to the evil one.  With our free will, we are chosing to be in relationship with the liar and this foothold we have given him, will grow like a cancer if we ignore it.  Like cancer spreads in our bodies, so too does the affects of the lies we consent to believe in.  These footholds turn into strongholds.

“A stronghold is any pattern of behavior in your life that you know is against the will of God but continues to persist even when you try to change it.” ( Dr Bob Schuchts Anatomy of a wound audio http://www.OnlyPeople.net).

This pattern is a result of the barriers we have built around our heart, brick by brick, lie by lie and vow by vow in an attempt to protect ourselves from being hurt or suffering in some way.  The problem with putting up walls around our hearts is that we keep out the good along with the bad.  We become like a prisoner within a castle and the stronghold keeps us there.  

Counseling can bring us temporary relief, can teach us coping skills and can give us a means by which to deal with the distress symptoms that result from us believing the lies but they cannot change the stronghold or bring it down.  Medication can offer us some relief as well, perhaps helping us manage our anxiety that is related to the stronghold but this is not a chemical imbalance we are talking of.  A stronghold is an action of our free will and unless we take it down with our own free will it will not be moved by medication.  Praying is helpful and is definitely a step in the right direction as God is the one that can help to expose the lies so we know where to start but unless we are using the weapons spoken of by St. Paul then we are only managing the our pain rather than finding true freedom.

 

bound

Dr Bob Schucht’s goes on to say that “Every thought and imagination that exalts itself against the knowledge of God results in a stronghold.” (Anatomy of a wound audio).   So in the name of Jesus Christ, through the power of God we can break strongholds.  Without the power of God we are just using our will to do something or not do something.  If we try to overcome stronghold by own own sheer will we will end up frustrated or giving up all together.

 

 

7 deadly sins

They are pride, envy, gluttony, lust, anger, greed and sloth. Dr. Bob Schucht’s reminds us that “It is interesting to note that they are dispositions or attitudes of our hearts before they are sins.   These are attitudes of our hearts that orientate us towards sin.   Each one of them has an idolatry of something that exalts itself above God.” (The Anatomy of a wound audio on onlypeople.net).

Anger is an idolatry of control.

Pride is an idolatry of self.

Greed is an idolatry of things.

Lust is an idolatry relationship.

Gluttony is an idolatry of substance to comfort.

Sloth is an idolatry of comfort to avoid pain.

Envy is an idolatry of the status position or privileges of other people.

 

To explain this further let me clarify the relationship of sin, idol, wound, lies and vows.  When the enemy proposes a lie, and if we accept his proposal,  we then turn away from God.  When we turn away from God, we then are turning towards something else.  This “something else” becomes our idol.  If we are feeling powerless, the enemy may propose the lie that “we must be in control or we will be hurt”.  We then accept his proposal and profess to him our vows to unite ourselves to his lie.  Our vow may be “I will make sure I always remain in control”.  My idol is now control and not God.  When I am feeling powerless I no longer turn to God and believing that he will protect me and his hand is guiding my life for my well-being.  Instead, my heart has closed itself to God, instead my new idol of control is what I live by to protect myself from feeling powerless.  I have exalted control above God.  When I cannot control a situation and begin to feel as if I am losing control the result is my anger. I sin out of my anger in many ways and they are the distress symptoms.  You will see my outbursts, my nit-picking, my perfectionism, my passive-aggressive means of manipulating others you will see me rage.

For every wound there is an idol and for every idol we worship we manifest sinful actions.  Every sin has an effect and those effects are usually very visible to the people around us.  (I have made a chart and attached it above to give an understanding ow how they all go together.  I have used the information that I learned at several healing retreats taught by Dr. Bob Schuchts however, I could not find a chart that put together the connection of all of the components to make it easier for people to discover what their wounds are so I created my own.

 

 

We begin to make God’s out of all of those things because we think they will give us some satisfaction yet they are all characterizations of the devil so if we begin to engage in the lies that he tells us, we allow him the very foothold upon which he can ensnare us.

So how are we going to break free from the strongholds?  We must be willing to suffer.  When we are willing to suffer the original thing we were running away from and turn back to God and ask him to help us, then and only then do we acquire the actual graces to practice the virtues necessary in overcoming a particular sin in our life.  If we have experienced abuse, trauma or neglect as children then the powerlessness we experienced in those moments may have resulted in our attempts to control everything and everyone.  Most likely it also resulted in distrust, fear and un-forgiveness.   When we forgive people who have hurt us we then begin to embody the merciful heart of Jesus Christ.  Anger cannot remain where one has softened their hearts and become forgiving and merciful.  Anger cannot abide where a heart has turned to God and begins to relinquish it’s power in exchange for his grace and his will in their life.  

The only thing that overcomes pride is humility.  Humbly acknowledging your pride before God and asking Him to take it away.  If you think you can work on your pride then you are being prideful.  The sin of being prideful or self-justifying comes from identity wounds.  When we grow up in homes where we might not have been affirmed and loved as unique and unrepeatable person we begin to self-justify.  If the only thing we were affirmed for was being attractive, this may become our new idol.  This is vanity which is a form of pride.  When we were only affirmed for being smart we make our intellect or academics our idol.  The only way to overcome these things is to acknowledge that these are gifts from God meant to bring souls to Christ.

The only thing that overcomes our greed is generosity because greed is the control over our possession because of insecurity.  Many people who hoard money or objects (there are even shows on television showing the lives of hoarders) desire to keep as much “things” around them and with them because they have entered into a relationship with objects that are safe and cannot “hurt” them.  Greed is a “distress” symptom of a wound.  We sin in our greed in attempt to stop feeling insecure or afraid about our well-being. We do not trust that God will care for us.The irony is that they are hurting because of the isolation their greed may cause.  This is like a cycle that repeats itself.  The only thing that can overcome greed is trusting in the generosity of God and then becoming generous yourself.  Generosity is saying and believing that you trust in the providence of God. So if you think your issue is greed you are wrong, it is a fear wound and a trust issue.

The only thing that overcomes lust is not “getting yourself under control” and saying  to yourself “I just won’t look at the person or that pornography.” Our issue is a rejection wound.  Out of that place of feeling disgusting or that no one can love you a false idol is made out of disordered relationships of intimacy where the other can not “in-to-me-see”.  Intimacy is about seeing deeply into an other and allowing oneself to be deeply seen.  When we come to see the beauty and purpose of the human person made visible in and through our bodies we begin to heal.  Theology of the Body is the antidote and chastity is lived out because once we understand our sexuality we desire to “speak” a language of love in and with our bodies.  It is then that we can come before God and beg him for purity of our eyes and our hearts and of our bodies.  Chastity is seeing the awesome creation of our sexuality “male and female” He created us.

The only thing that overcomes gluttony is abstinence and fasting.   This can come from shame or hopelessness wounds and so we begin to consume a substance that comforts us rather than go to God and ask Him to fill the hole inside our hearts.  We begin to forget the spiritual life and rely only upon the pleasures of the body.  It is disordering our very personhood.  This often times leads to sloth.

The only thing that overcomes sloth is diligence.  This can come from feeling powerless.  We become bound up in sloth when we believe the lie that we are powerless in some area of our life or in life in general and so we avoid the pain of trying to effect change by being slothful.  It is in being diligent and willing to do the things that God is asking us to do especially when it is difficult that helps us to get free from Sloth. This is a common attack as it has to do with keeping the body of Christ from realizing we are in a spiritual battle.  If we feel powerless and so then give up and become slothful the enemy can make more ground. I would say fortitude and diligence as well as courage and perseverance are important in overcoming sloth.

The only thing that overcomes envy is kindness.  The wounds here can be from identity wounds.  When you grow up feeling that you do not matter and that you are garbage, it is easy to begin hating your neighbor whose life may seem so much better.  Envy is not just desiring your neighbors goods or status it is also believing that they have gotten something that you deserved to have.  Is the reality that you deserve to be seen as good and worthy? Yes, but when one suffers from identity wounds then the lie is that you don’t matter and so envy builds up in our hearts turning it even more cold and hard against others.  When we can be kind to others, be truly concerned for others this hardness softens. When you begin to see that each of us are called into being by our creator, each of us are unique and unrepeatable persons, then we see that our own worth and dignity is God given and are no longer angry about the good fortune of others.

Sometimes we can’t truly choose to become free from something so we may begin by choosing to become free in something else.  We may chose to abstain in a smaller area which will then give us the strength to deal with a more powerful stronghold later.  This helps us overcome the hopelessness of feeling that nothing will ever change.

These are just some of the examples of how sin and wounds and lies work together and how once discovered and the virtues sought can enable us to brings some real healing into our lives.  None of us are any position to judge one another yet I am sure all of us can identify with one or more of these sins.  All of us struggle with these sins and virtue is the way in which we will get free.

Once your identity a sin in your life that you cannot seem to get free from you must then begin to identify the lies that you believe.   You must then renounce those lies and ask Jesus to forgive you for making a false idol in an attempt to deal with your pain alone rather than to open your heart to God.  This is where healing comes in.   If I have truth to undo the lie, if I believe the scripture that tells me that I should not worry about what I eat and what I wear because I trust in God’s providence then all of a sudden I can have security, real security because the stronghold lie begins to crumble.  In asking forgiveness for making a false idol and renouncing the lie in Jesus’ name the enemies power is broken.  Now the drawbridge has been lowered so that the Holy Spirit, the Paraclete can come in and be the divine physician.

So how do we begin? First you must ask the Holy Spirit to come and help you.  God knows what you are ready to deal with and where you must first get free in order to have the strength and courage to press into the other wounds.  If you go into areas you are not ready to deal with it will feel as if the enemy is rubbing salt in your wounds and you may be to afraid or feel to incapable of handling the pain associated with it.

I started with a distress symptom, an area of my life I felt was creating a pattern of sinful behavior that I just could not seem to get free of.  I then asked the Holy Spirit to show me what He wanted me to know about it.  For me, he showed me a memory.  I then asked the Holy Spirit to reveal the lie in my heart that I believed.  I then asked Him to reveal the judgment I had made about God and about the other person.  I then asked God’s forgiveness for the believing the lies, making the judgments and for turning to a false idol instead of to Him.  I then asked God to help me forgive the person for what they did.  As for the lies, I renounced them in the name of Jesus Christ.  It was as if I broke off my union with the enemy  had re-united myself to my true Bridegroom, Jesus Christ.  The effects were immediate.  The peace was beyond anything counseling or anxiety meds or alcohol or food had ever done for me.

When I contemplated the lie again, I laughed out loud because it sounded, AND FELT, so ridiculous.  It no longer had any hold over me.  Who would have thought that freedom would and could be so instantaneous.  This is because it is by the power of God.  So why did this work when nothing else seemed to? Because God does not and will not violate our free will.  He can supernaturally heal us but before that we must first surrender our will to God and invite him in.  It is, to use the castle analogy,  as if we must lower the drawbridge to give him access.

St. Peter says “Anyone who is willing to suffer in the flesh is done with sin” 1 peter

Jesus is the only person who experienced all of the same wounds we have and yet did not sin out of his wounds.  He was abandoned “My God, my God why have you forsaken me”.  All his friends left him.  He was abandoned, yet did not sin.

“He was rejected and despised among men” IS 53, but he did not give into the rejection, he continued to love in the face of that rejection.

He was complete helplessness on the cross, but he chose to surrender his will to the father.

He tasted the greatest despair on him from our sins in the garden and on the cross but he never gave into despair or sloth.

He experienced every single wound in the mystery of creation and chose to be obedient.  He took on every wound for us and the sins and penalties of the wounds and the sins.  He did this for us.  He also identified with us so that we can see that we can identify with him in our suffering and know his compassion for our pain.

Am I saying that healing our wounds is as simple as bringing our suffering to Him on the cross? Yes I am. It is not simple or easy to do but it is simple in choice.

Are you still afraid? Are you still feeling hopeless? Are you still not sure how to begin? Then start simply.  You can say “I can not overcome this Jesus, but you can”.  “I can not bear this Jesus, but you can.”

In scripture, it says we have a mighty savior that will wipe away every tear and comfort every infirmity and remove every sin for those who believe and trust in him.  Instead of despair we shall have the oil of gladness, instead of shame we shall have double honor, not just in heaven but here in our lives, progressively as grace perfects our nature.

Take some time to journal.  Take an area of your life, some place of distress in your life.  Pray and ask God to show you what the lie is that you believe in your heart.  Ask the Holy Spirit to show you what the root wound and the root sin is. Ask him to show you where it is rooted in term of memory and experience. For some it may be a recent event for others something farther back.

This part is important.  Allow yourself the chance to feel the pain of that.  Bring that to Jesus and ask Jesus to reveal the truth and bring his healing love there.

He who is willing to suffer in the flesh is done with sin!

God will meet us. It’s a matter of walking there so don’t be impatient with yourself.  It is a process and He is not going to give you something that is more than you can bear.

I want to give you hope that as you walk through this, to know that there is such joy on the other side of healing.  It is awesome and worth every bit of the pain you might go through as you look at events or people in your lives that wounded you with their sin.  Keep your eyes, your focus on Jesus.  He is the author and perfecter of our faith.  He will bring you to the joy that He promises.  That may be hard to believe, especially for those who might have been dealing with deep hopelessness wounds for a long time.  Let me encourage you to not give in to sloth, remain diligent, keep going forward even if it is very small steps, that is still progress and you will be greatly rewarded.

This information comes from Dr. Bob Schucht’s work on “Healing The Whole Person” and other great Inner Healing work he provides for those desiring real freedom.  You can find more information on how to attend his healing retreats by going to his website  The John Paul II Healing Center  .

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Becoming an “Unbound” B.A.K.E.R.

ropes on wrists

This past weekend I attended the “Unbound Leadership Conference” put on by Heart of The Father Ministries. I was able to meet Neal Lozano, who has written a number of books helping people to find real freedom in Christ by utilizing this very simple and duplicable model of deliverance.

Me and Neal

The word deliverance can scare some people but I like what Neal say’s about it. To say that deliverance is about the devil is like saying that the Exodus story in Genesis is about Pharaoh. Deliverance is about Christ setting the captives free. It is about the power of Jesus Christ that is given to us in baptism, renewed and refreshed through repentance and reconciliation and empowered by the gifts of the Holy Spirit released in confirmation. However, some of us have not been renewed and refreshed. Some of us have not been reconciled and have not asked for the Holy Spirit to release the gifts of confirmation.

bird out of cage

When we are not free to love and be loved then we are not making the invisible visible through our lives and our example. We are to be the body of Christ, yet some of us are still bound up from the lies we believe, the vows we have made, the judgments of others and when this effects our identities we are cut off from the very life giving source that we must draw upon.

So how do we listen to the Holy Spirit? How do we find freedom? How do we refresh, reconcile and release the Holy Spirit in us and through us?

The first thing we have to do is pray to the Holy Spirit. COME HOLY SPIRIT COME! It can begin with simplest of prayers, really it can.

key whole

Before going through the 5 Keys of Unbound, we need to call upon the Holy Spirit and we need to learn to listen to what the Holy Spirit desires to do in our hearts. If you rush into the 5 keys without the Holy Spirit, the 5 keys can become like the keys you have in your junk drawers at home. You know they open something, but you don’t know what.

Here is how you begin. Call upon the Holy Spirit. Pray for Him to release the gifts within and through you.

I would like to show how those that use the examination of conscience taught in the book “33 Days to Morning Glory” can really benefit by incorporation the 5 keys taught in the Unbound model.

Fr. Michael Gaitley’s “B.A.K.E.R. examination of conscience, when utilizing the 5 keys of Unbound, can be truly effective because you can then hear what the Holy Spirit desire for you to know. Rather than just using introspection or merely “thinking” about your shortcomings or sinful patterns or behaviors.

It is a gentle way to go into what I like to call the “bad neighborhoods” of our past. There may be many things we need to repent of. Where do we start so we do not get overwhelmed? I heard a Catholic Answers speaker say that our pasts are like bad neighborhoods, you would not want to go in there without some protection or you will get the cr*P beat out of you. So before we go looking at all the places we have failed and come up short or down right sinned, let us first begin by having the Holy Spirit remind us who God is and who we are. So we begin with B

B=Blessings

We begin by looking at the places in which we have seen the blessings in our lives. We begin with going to the truth and seeing who the Father is and how He has blessed us. This is our “consolations”. Our identities may have been beaten up by the broken people of the world sinning out of their own wounds and this can cause us to have difficulty with knowing who we truly are. Some of us self-justify, or have shame or feelings of unworthiness, we misinterpret God’s intentions or circumstances in our lives and others just do not believe God desires to share intimate secrets with their hearts alone. Whatever the struggles, we must begin with looking to our consolations and blessings and rest in the truth that God is good and that He loves us as we are, right now, today, faults and all.

A= Ask

Now we call once again upon the Holy Spirit and ask for the Holy Spirit to enlighten our minds as to what God desires for us to know about where there are barriers to Him, or where we are in need of repentance. This is the first Key of the Unbound Model.

key

1. Repentance and Faith

When we ask the Holy Spirit He can reveal the root issue instead of the surface things that continue to plague us. For instance, if we have anger issues, raging when things feel out of control or when someone “attacks” us or our worth, we could think our issue is anger. This is how clever the Father of lies is. Anger and rage is a distress symptom of a deeper issue. The Holy Spirit knows the gentlest way to guide you to truth and freedom and He desires to woo His bride gently, He does not desire to kick in your doors or expose you in shame. When we ask Him to lead us to the root, we then can have our hearts moved by His tender Mercy to true repentance.

He can show us that the anger is a reaction to a lie in our heart, an inner vow we have made that locks His healing truth out or perhaps of a judgment we have made about other people or even about God Himself. Anger is a symptom of an idolatry of control. Control is an idol we use to protect ourselves or manage our fears due to powerless wounds or perhaps even fear bonds formed that cause us to believe that God does not save, or He does but will not save us.

When walked through the repentance key, it is so comforting to hear the words of the Prayer team acknowledging and affirming your fear and your deeper desire while at the same time, asking God to forgive you for your judgments, your lack of faith. “In the name of Jesus Christ, I ask your forgiveness for not believing I could trust you.” “Forgive me Jesus for using control as an idol instead of coming to you.” This “Asking” is a beautiful way to know what God desires to start with. If we merely think about our shortcomings, our failures and our limitations to love, we will soon despair. When we look at our sin without the Mercy of Jesus Christ and can easily be convinced by the father of lies that we are not forgiven, our sin is too big or perhaps our God will not save us. If we do not ask the Holy Spirit to lead us in this, those that do repent may do it out of shame, fear of judgment or to be “good” rather than to find healing and reconciliation. This will not set the captives free, but causes the lies to dig themselves in deeper. If the root wound is powerlessness and fear, then we find other ways to “control” so as to not open to God. Anger is symptom of an idolatry of control as a means to self-protect so you see repentance must come from the heart. It is handing the reigns over to Christ, both of them. If we continue to hold onto one of the reigns, we cannot go in the direction God desires to take us in.
key
2. Forgiveness

When we ask the Holy Spirit to reveal where we need to forgive we become aware of places we are bound up that we may never have even realized we were not yet set free! He knows all and everything. He knows where pain has caused us to not yet forgiven someone. He knows where we still believe someone does not deserve our forgiveness. He knows where we still desire someone to make atonement for what they did to us. He knows where we are so afraid of dealing with our emotions or anger that we have made unforgiveness and our anger a means to protect our hearts. He sees past false humility to the pride that tries to justify our unforgiveness, He knows where we still do not understand the depths of His ocean of Mercy and He even knows which evil spirits are binding us up of our own free will. The Holy Spirit will gently reveal where we need to forgive, He will lead us there and He will help to set us free.

“In the name of Jesus I forgive my Father for leaving me as a baby and never getting to know me as a daughter. In the name of Jesus I forgive my father for not wanting to be in my life and for not coming to my graduation from high school or college”. In the name of Jesus, I forgive my father for not holding my hand, for not holding me in his arms and for not being there to protect me as a child.”

Forgiveness is not about giving up your rights or even excusing what someone has done to you. It is about allowing God to work it all out to His better good and glory and relinquishing it’s power over you by trusting in the Father. When an intercessor gives you the words, just hearing them said to you out loud is a validation that what was done to you requires forgiveness. When you repeat them, you can feel the healing salve being administered to your heart. It is freeing in that very moment.

K=Kills

What killed or desolated you today? When did your heart drop in your chest from what was done to you or what you had done to someone else? We are not to make major decisions in times of desolation because the father of lies is so good at manipulating our emotions that we are not free to see rightly. When we ask the Holy Spirit to show us the daily desolations, we see where we the wounds of others were at work and it may not have been our cross to carry. We also see the places the enemy is stirring up our emotions to cause us to believe his lies, to make more judgments or vows that separate us from God and in doing so cause us forget that our Father in Heaven knew what He was getting when He made us, we are no surprise to God, yet He so desired us that He willed us into existence despite how He knew we would fail Him. This leads me to the third key.

key
3. Renounce

“In the Name of Jesus Christ, I renounce the spirit of control. In the name of Jesus Christ, I renounce the Spirit of Anger and unforgiveness”. When we renounce, we break any agreements we have made with the liar and turn our faces back to the Father. We are breaking the ties that bind us. I also believe the renewal of our baptismal vows is a powerful way to renounce the enemy and his lies. It is renouncing Satan, his pomps and works and empty promises. Many of us have had relationships outside of covenant marriage or have been involved with the occult. There are tarot cards, Ouiji boards, wearing crystals and more. These things must be renounced. “In the name of Jesus Christ I renounce any physical or spiritual ties with NAME and I take back what I gave to HIM/Her.” Every day we should be going through B.A.K.E.R. with the 5 Keys of Unbound. When we get to the 3rd key, we need to renounce anything that the Holy Spirit has inspired for us to renounce.

key
4. Authority

“In the name of Jesus Christ, I command every evil spirit and spirits associated to it that I have renounced and every spirit behind the sins I have confessed to leave me right now and go directly to the foot of the cross”. “Thank you Jesus for setting me free from the influence of evil spirits. Thank you Father for sending your son to save me.” Amen

This is about being set free and Jesus Christ has that authority and power. We, by virtue of our baptism can call upon this power of Jesus Christ and command what we renounce in His name as well as any of the powers and principalities infesting or oppressing us to leave! We need to stand in the authority that we as Christians have been given. Christ said that we would do “all these things and even greater things than this” and He meant it.
“Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do, he will do also; and greater works than these he will do; because I go to the Father.” John 14:12

Greater works? Yes!!! We will be set free so that we can bring Christ to others so that they too can find healing and freedom!

E=Embrace

This coincides with the final key of Unbound. When we embrace the love of the Father we embrace the greatness of God’s love, the gifts He desires to share with the world through our yes, we embrace the Fathers Blessing.

key
5. The Fathers Blessing

Did you know that your name is very important? For all of the years I have traveled and spoke around the country I have noticed that peoples names strangely revealed how God was using them as instruments of His divine will. I began experimenting and by telling people (before they told me) what it was that I thought they were doing in ministry. Not only would I be right but when I was wrong it was not because I was wrong at all but it was because it was on their hearts to do but they had not answered that stirring in their heart.

All throughout the bible we are shown that names matter so much that even Paul was renamed to ensure his name matched his calling. Isaac was so named because his mother laughed. All of us have names that were inspired in our parents because of the movements of the Holy Spirit because our name was written on God’s heart before it ever was uttered on our parents lips. At the moment He names us our name lit up the heavens and flashed like a comet through the stars and throughout the entire universe heralding our goodness as unique and unrepeatable persons with dignity, honor and great worth beyond price. I challenge you to look up your name. If you cannot find your name to mean something that reveals your call then email me because I guarantee I can. What is your confirmation name? I have been told we do not pick our confirmation Saint, the Saint picks us. The Holy Spirit attracts us to that Saint because they will help protect the mission in which we have been chosen to fulfill.

The Fathers blessing is something that all of us must embrace because it heals the wounds it fills the empty and formless void so that we can see what was always there but never realized, we have been chosen, we have been called by name.

R=Reconcile

The final examen peace is to reconcile. This is another word for being set free! When our hearts are freed to love we desire to reconcile, to bring healing and freedom to others. When we realize we reacted in a way to self-justify and in doing so hurt someone we love, our first inclination upon healing is to run to them like the prodigal son and say please, please forgive me! I desire to make amends and to restore what was broken between us.

If you have not heard of Unbound I challenge you to discover what has continued to bring me great freedom and healing. If you have not consecrated yourself to Mary I would prayerfully suggest you read my article on why she is the one that helps us to receive our triple portion of the Holy Spirit. If you desire for the Holy Spirit to permeate you, transform you and make you a new creature in Christ, then Mary is the perfect mold from which to pour ourselves into because she formed the body of Christ in her womb.

We are going to set the world ablaze with Fire of Christ’s love! Come and Join me as there are many, many captives that need to be set free. Will you join me?

heart of father

What is Heart of the Father Ministries? It say’s this on their website.

“Heart of the Father Ministries empowers people to reclaim their true identity in Christ as sons and daughters of the Father through Unbound:Freedom in Christ ministry.

Heart of the Father is dedicated to equipping people throughout the world to take hold of the freedom they have been given in Christ and to help others do the same by using the principles of the Five Keys as found in Unbound.

Unbound Guidebok

The Five Keys are taught and implemented at the Unbound: Freedom in Christ Conferences and through a growing network committed to proclaiming this message.”

The 5 Keys of Unbound

1. Repentance and Faith
2. Forgiveness
3. Renounce
4. Authority
5. Father’s Blessing

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Zombie Apocalypse; We are the walking wounded

IF
Have you noticed there are a lot of zombie movies and television shows lately? It is as if Hollywood can see what so many of us are refusing to see. We are the walking wounded. We may not live in the biblical times of leprosy but we certainly live in a time of spiritual leprosy. We live in a fallen world and with fallen people. The new normal is not man and wife with three kids a dog, a house and a white picket fence. In fact, I am not even sure what the new normal is, but it is definitely not the “traditional” family. The movies we watch that are depicting human beings as zombies, are closer to the truth than most tv sitcoms.
zombie
We are all wounded in some way. Some of us are living with the effects of sexual abuse or physical abuse; some of us were abandoned by our parents. Still others were emotionally abused or psychologically traumatized by alcoholic or drug addicted parents or even others were ritualistically abused. Whatever the your childhood, chances are you either experienced abuse or neglect yourself or someone very close to you did. The effects of abuse wounds us and it is in through these wounds that we begin to form our understandings and beliefs about who we are, who God is and whether or not we believe in anyone or anything.

The wounds that are inflicted upon us are openings to evil or negativity. Call it what you will, it is through wounds that we are opened up and it is as these moments we can become bound up as prisoner to our pain, our fears and the vows that we make to ourselves.
nailed
If you or someone you know feels they are nailed to their cross instead of carrying it, then this book may be an answer to prayer. I have endured many of the abuses listed above. I have done what most do, I have gone on to wound others in the very way in which I am wounded. It is an irony that is not lost on me. However, it is helpful to recognize this because it helps us to discover the root wounds buried and hidden deep with us. When we see how we wound others, or we meet people that create a distress in us, usually it is a neon sign, pointing us to an area that we need healing in.
neon
I am hoping that those of you that are seeking healing are inspired by my story but are also given the courage to be vulnerable in ways you have dared not to for so very long.
bridegroom
It is in being vulnerable that we are able to open ourselves to the Bridegroom. Jesus is the Bridegroom and knows all of the secrets of our story. He desires to make us whole and it is only through His grace that we can be transformed. I am here to say it is not only possible, but what you might believe to be your greatest flaw or ugliest secret may just be the birthplace of greatness.
chosen

Each of us were created by God and chosen out of all the “potential” people God could have created to come into existence. God knew what He was getting when He created me, He knew how I would fall, how I would fail Him and yet He did it anyway. I am no surprise to God. He chose me! When we created me, He chose to make me female because God has a plan for my life and being a woman is part of His plan. People do bad things. Our free will allows for that. It’s called God’s permissive will. He does not actively will it, but He promised after the flood that He would not interfere directly against our will. He sealed it with a promise for all to see with a rainbow.

heart
God gives each of us gifts and charisms to enable us to more perfectly carry out our calling yet each of us are given a choice as to whether or not we chose to live out our calling. When we are abused, we begin to lose our ability to function as a “whole” person because our very personhood is wounded. These wounds go very deep and actually separate us from being able to see truth, to love and to be loved and may even destroy our lives in the process. Joy becomes an abstract concept and not a personal experience for the person with wounds.

The wounds created in us many times lead to sin. Many people wound in the very ways in which they were wounded as a means to protect themselves. Many people who abuse were abused themselves.
new
Here is the Good News! Christ came to restore us! He makes all things new! When our wounds are redeemed and washed clean in the blood of Christ we are made new. The very places you feel the most broken become your most beautiful gifts. He will shine out of your wounds in ways that will not only transform you, but it will transform the people around you. His light shines through our wounds revealing hope and healing on the other side.

Come and put your fingers into my wounds so that you too will believe. Open your hearts and minds to not only believe but to receive your own healing because today is the day of freedom!
fingers in wounds
I want to issue a warning for those of you that are easily disturbed by stories that include abuse. While I am not descriptive in every detail, I do share my story of abuse. Please feel free to skip over areas that may be to troubling to you to read. Make note of anything that you read that stirs up fear or anxiety in a journal so you can go back to it later in prayer. Often times, our reactions that are distressing are actually distress symptoms of something within our own hearts that God desires to heal in us. It is the distress symptom that acts as the treasure map so that we can find the hidden areas within us that once discovered and healed, will be our greatest treasure and pearl of great worth.

This book is about my journey of healing from the wounds of my childhood. It is because I did not want to pass on my wounds to my own children, and because I no longer desire to live out of my wounds, that I embarked on a journey of self-discovery. The reason I have decided to write this book is because of the freedom I have found on that journey. I have received more healing in the last year by this method than all of the 30 years of counseling combined.

I was three the year I was sexually abused for the first time. But I have been healed and created anew!

I was three the year I was sexually abused for the first time. But I have been healed and created anew!


I cannot contain it for myself, I must share it because I see so many people in my travels that are broken, hurting, alone, lost and suffering under the weight of their own weaknesses and I desire to be Simon to them. In fact, once we gain freedom from our wounds, they become transformed and begin to radiate Christ to all those around us. Let me share my own journey with you and say a simple prayer of agreement now, “Come Holy Spirit, Come” so that perhaps you too will be made new.
If one person finds freedom and joy because of my story, then I will know I did the right thing in sharing my story.

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Online “Healing The Whole Person” Retreat!

“To speak of prayer for the healing of the soul is primarily to speak of prayer for releasing someone from psychological sickness and emotional pain due to hurts and deprivations of the past.

Prayer for healing of memories is in this category.

When someone has such a need he has a psychological barrier to freedom in Christ.” Leanne Payne

Though the human spirit is united with Christ, God’s Spirit cannot radiate through this problem area until the person gets help to understand and deal with it.” Leanne Payne

Image

Are you ready to become more fully alive, more fully capable to love and more fully whole? Then inner healing is for you because it free’s us from compulsions to sin by helping us identify where we are wounded, how the enemy has oppressed you or your family? 

If you answered yes, then listen to these 6 talks and take this powerful mini retreat to heal the wounds that bind you and prevent you from being able to fully be free in Jesus Christ to love your family, love your neighbors and love your enemies.

http://www.onlypeople.org/healing/Image

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Treasure In Earthen Vessels; God Works Through Cracked Pots (UPDATED 10-28-2012)

SCROLL TO BOTTOM TO HEAR THE TALK I GAVE AND SEE THE PREZI/PRESENTATION I GAVE TO 1,000 WOMEN)

The story of the woman at the well is a marriage proposal and is a great place to begin in sharing how we are treasures in earthen vessels. It is strangely reminiscent of the song we sang as children “first comes love then comes marriage then comes the baby in the baby carriage”. First there was God who is love. Then the word was made flesh. Jesus is the Bridegroom.

That childhood song was a song about the holy Trinity and the call of our God into the marriage relationship of the bride and bridegroom and how we will be transformed into new creations. Theology of the Body gives us a beautiful lens from which to fully understand what the old Baltimore catechism said when it said we were created to know love and serve God to give you him forever in heaven.

The woman at the well is symbolic of all of our brokenness because of the sin in our lives, all of the inadequacies and all of the ways in which we fall short and yet God comes to us and seeks us out.

This is the marriage proposal. We are made for connection we are made for relationship.

Where we struggle in this is when SHAME gets in the way of allowing others to truly see who we are or to allow others to truly see us.

That’s where vulnerability comes in.

VULNERABILITY IS NOT WEAKNESS. How many think it takes vulnerability to speak in front of an audience of 800 people? It is true that vulnerability involves emotional risk and uncertainty but what vulnerability really means is to have courage.

Vulnerability is birthplace of creation and transformation. To create is to make something that never existed before like the unique and unrepeatable person. When we have the courage to really open ourselves to look into our hearts and even more importantly let others really and truly “see” us, we become transformed. “ Grace perfects our nature”.

In the garden, we were naked without shame.

“Naked without shame” is about knowing who we were as persons made in Gods image and likeness and our nature was perfect. When we fell from Grace due to original sin shame entered into the world.

Shame is the devil’s proposal about who God is and who we are.

Shame says one of two things; “you will never be good enough” or “who do you think you are”.

Adam and Eve covered themselves because they said yes to the devil’s proposal. Because they were unwilling to be vulnerable enough to go to God and trust in who He said we are, they fell and the consequence was sin.

A very basic understanding of sin is separation from God. In the Old Testament sin is described as a transgression. It is not just a violation of the law, but because the law was meant to protect as persons and to protect our world and our environment and God’s creation it is also a violation of God and violation of us so every time we separate from God and transgress upon his will we transgress upon ourselves and of all of creation. Sin, missing the mark and falling short of the glory of God. So with three

Sin has its effects always in wounding. Sin always wounds. There is no sin that doesn’t wound. It wounds us and it wounds others around us. We have no possibility of living in this world without being wounded.

What SHAME does is it takes the guilt we feel and turns the belief of “What I did was bad” into the belief that “I am bad”.

SHAME then makes us feel that we are unworthy of connection. It is in believing we are not thin enough, beautiful enough, successful enough or smart enough that SHAME turns our focus from who we are as unique and unrepeatable persons into who we think we “should be” or “should be doing”.

Shame makes us feel we are not good enough and that we will never be good enough.

The story of the woman at the well reminds us of whom we truly are which is the beloved of the Bridegroom and that God desires to marry us.

God knows all the places we have failed him and will fail him and yet he created us anyways. Out of all of the potential people God could’ve created we were chosen to be created and to come into the world to exist in fact of this very particular time in history.

But it gets better than this! God is calling all of us to enter into the redemption of the world! God could have chose to redeem the world anyway he liked. What he decided was that he wanted all of us to enter into this great work with him.

He does this by transforming our wounds much like his own were from the power of the cross. His “cracks” were in fact the greatest gift given to the entire world. Our wounds, our cracks, our inadequacies become the very place, once transformed like a firing kiln to a clay pot, becomes the very form from which God can best shine through, pour out of and be given to others. He is magnified by our smallness and our weakness.

God is calling you and is issuing a marriage proposal in which He desires to transform you and touch the lives of those around you through your fiat.

A treasure in earthen vessels is about our unique and unrepeatable personhood, it is about our immortal soul chosen by God to be called into existence. The earthen vessel reveals that the person we are is feminine or masculine and also is a sign that we are called to love like the trinity. But the earthen vessel also speaks to us about form.

Form, and the material from which it is made reveal its purpose. If I held up a cup and asked, “What is it?” unless we were from another world where they do not use cups, we would know it is a cup and that it holds liquid. We know understand what it is because of its form

Our form is meant to be a visible sign of Christ to the world. It is not just our masculine or feminine person that our form reveals but it tells a story of the Bride and the Bridegroom.

In Caryll Houselander’s book “The Reed of God” she uses three forms to reveal how Christ “shines” through our cracks”, The reed, the chalice, and the birds nest.

The Reed grows on the riverbanks and must be cut with a knife and then hallowed out with notches cut into it to create its form. Some of our stories include this kind of shaping. We are cut and hallowed out. We may think that we have nothing to give, our brokenness, or even our sinfulness might make us believe that God could never possibly choose us. The woman at the well is a reminder that God does chose us and when we allow him to redeem us, it is as if we are pressed to the lips of the master and when His Spirit blows through the reed, lyrical music is created because of the hallowing out and the notches that had been cut.

Some of our stories are like a chalice. A chalice is made from gold that has to be first hewn from the mud, then forged in fire before it can be poured into it’s mold. It then has to be pounded by a mallet to create its form. For those whose forming came from the succession of blows or from the purification of fire, they may understand that they are like Gold, that they are good, but they may not believe themselves worthy of greatness. It is the age-old question “Who do you think you are? If we remember that we are the beloveds of Christ, that He called us into being that we are His, then we remember who we are. A chalice is used to offer the great sacrifice of the mass. For those whose form is like the chalice, God desires to fill you with the water and blood that gushed from His sacred heart so that through your form you can pour Him out to a thirsting world.

Finally, for those who are shaped like the nest of a bird, the soft downy feathers of a tender mother bird’s breast create the form. For those who may have been formed by loving parents, in a prayerful home and have no painful formation as part of their story the temptation could be to say that they do not have a unique or inspiring story. Those whose story includes love, fidelity and affirmation are not only hope and inspiration for the world but it also creates a person more fully capable of revealing Christ. This story is an example of how each of us is called to become tabernacles.

We are to bring Christ to the world with our own hands and feet, with our own stories.

Each of our stories is as unique as our fingertips, as unique as our personhood.

We are the vessel and form helps us to tell the story of who Christ is and who we are in Christ. We should never underestimate the power of conversion to work through even the most broken of vessels.

Lazarus is an example of just such a vessel. He was dead. A rotting corpse and according to chief mourners “stinking” and yet when Christ shone through Lazarus, an entire city and now every generation to come, was converted through his story and through his form.

For me, my form is the reed. I have been hallowed out, whittled and cut into. The story I have to tell is of being transformed through my children and my husband.

I’ve been able to identify specific attributes or virtues that God has helped to develop in me for each one of my children.

For Maegan it was vulnerability, for Sara it was selfless love, for Elisha it was the need of affirmation, for Gabriel it was submission, for Annamarie it was long-suffering, for Mercedes it was Mercy, for Christopher it was joy, for Jonah it was perseverance.

For each child I have received a healing of a major wound, crack, or notch cut into me. God transformed it and the grace He has given to me in each of these areas have brought me freedom to love more rightly

Each time I was cracked, wounded or cut into because of my sin or the sin of others, the enemy proposed a lie so to enter into my heart and bring me to a place of shame.

Christ helps to expose the lies and bring healing to our wounded hearts and when we become vulnerable and allow Him in to truly see us, Christ transforms our wounds and they become like stained glass windows illuminating and radiating God’s beauty, God’s light, God’s truth to the world.

They will know us by our joy they will know us by our love. In this year of faith we are called to transformation. The new evangelization is about allowing Christ to permeate us. We embrace our greatness when we dare to take what we know in our heads and connect it to our hearts. When we move from knowing God, to being in an intimate relationship with Him.

When we allow ourselves to truly be seen and to really see the person God puts in front of us everyday is when we enter into one another’s story of redemption. God works through cracked pots, because His greatness is magnified in our weakness. The truth is that the enemy puts salt in our wounds because he is terrified that if we actually go into the wounds and bring Christ there with us, we would discover that when Christ redeems them, they become like jewels in the Crown of the creator.

You are a treasure in an earthly vessel and your form reveals a call to love and to be loved from the bridegroom to His bride. All it takes is your “fiat” which is the greatest “I DO” you can ever utter.

LISTEN TO MY TALK HERE

http://archive.org/details/TreasureInEarthenVesselsGodWorksThroughCrackedPots

HERE IS THE SLIDESHOW

http://prezi.com/rf8re5qrwol-/treasure/

THE POWER OF VULNERABILITY

LISTENING TO SHAME

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Good Vibrations

Studies have suggested, after scientists studied a group of Monks that practiced Gregorian Chant, that it’s use can and does alleviate fatigue, depression and illness because of the herz ranges (around 8000) and vibration patterns of the sounds.

BRAIN NEURONS WITHOUT STIMULATION

 

BRAIN NEURONS WITH STIMULATION

 

What would you think if I told you that Gregorian chants creates a harmonic vibration that has been proven in studies to eliminate fatigue, heal and cure disease and illness, extinguish depression and enable the person who sings Gregorian chant, to subsist on as little as 2 hours of sleep a day because it stimulates the part of the cerebral cortex through creating a separate vibration with our bones at a completely different vibration and hertz level that, when the cranium and skull vibrate at this frequency, acts like a magnifier as the bones of the head amplify the vibration affecting the brain at an even more magnified capacity.

 

I wonder if that is why we put bones of the martyrs under our churches or keep the bone fragments as relics, because when their bones are present before us and with us, and as we as a mystical body of Christ “sing” or chant this holy music that even at a scientific decibel level brings grace (this is the foundation of TOB) that their bones “sing” with us and the song vibrations that hum with us, could it be because God is free from space and time, is somehow allowing a supernatural grace to flow from their glorified bodies (if God is free from time and space to take the merits of the cross and apply it to create Mary Immaculate, then why could he not allow the bones in our presence of the Saints to emanate with a glorified song that we could mysteriously receive our own healing from as the vibrations frequency, creates it’s song in our own bones?

 

It would make sense as to why we have so many people on anti=depressants and other medications, which I think is a tool of the enemy to numb us to the inspirations and gifts of the Holy Spirit. Perhaps God desires to “amplify” the healing power of the Eucharist but allowing music to be a conduit of healing grace that we receive bodily, in the form of the songs very essence which is not from the voice but the unique vibrations of Gregorian Chant, it is found in Handel’s Messiah, the Ave Maria…. perhaps these unique vibrations are a gift for the soul that we receive somatically because of the sacramentality of the Body.

Can you tell the difference?? from Corpus Christi Watershed on Vimeo.

 

Then it would make sense why the enemy has had this all but removed and why we as a society are dying, diseased, depressed and fatigued. I would even go so far as to speculate that a deliberate infiltration of liturgical music has occurred in which the songs vibration patterns, frequency and harmonic structure is not only opposite of Gregorian Chant and Handel’s Messiah and the Ave Maria, but it is more closely resembles that of noise when tested by computers. “Here I am Lord” composed by Dan Schutte, an ex-Jesuit Priest ordained and has left the priesthood and living in San Francisco.

 

Dan Schutte’s song, His song, “Here I am Lord” vibrates on a harmonic or wave length levels almost identical to noise.

 

When sang, the vibrations of the chant, create a separate vibration at it’s own herz level (around 2000) that emanate from the bones. It is as if the bones “sing” say the scientists and this “song” is measurable.  More specifically the cranium, or skull and jaw bone, resonate at this herz level. The eardrum and stapes vibrate from this unique vibration and stimulate a very precise center of the cerebral cortex of the brain. The monks that were studied were able to subsist on less than 4 hours of sleep, some less than 2 hours of sleep a day, were healed of illness and experienced an overall sense of well being. When scientist studied these same monks who, due to an edict halting the practice of Gregorian Chant, were studied after they discontinued the singing of Gregorian chant, they became ill, depressed and fatigued to the point that many were unable to function or complete their duties or rigorous schedules. Once this was made known, they were given permission to once again sing Gregorian Chant and the monks suffering from illness and depression were healed. Here is more on this amazing discovery.

 

Alfred Tomatis is a French physician and specialist in otolaryngology, who has been working with understanding the function of the human ear and the importance of listening for forty-five years. In this connection we will look at his discoveries of sound, which ”charge” the listener. Tomatis found that sounds that contain high frequency harmonics, such as those found in Gregorian chants, are extremely beneficial. It is these high frequencies around 8000 Hz, which are capable of ”charging” the central nervous system and the cortex of the brain. In many of the sacred chants of the different tradition, the main out put of high frequency harmonics are dominant, which offer stimulation to the brain.

 

 

Tomatis himself discovered this when he was called to help a Benedictine monastery, where the monks were suffering of fatigued and depression. He found out, that they usually six to eight hours of chanting – due to a new decree – has been ceased, and within a short period of time the monks was unable to perform their many duties. When Tomatis re-established their daily chanting, the monks were soon able to continue their rigorous schedule of work and prayers.

Here is Theology of The Body in practice; When we listen to Gregorian Chants, our bodies experience a supernatural phenomenon that affects our well being.

 

 

For Tomatis, a major aspect of the therapeutic affects of vocal harmonics lies in the conduction of the bones, which are stimulated by resonance of around 2000 Hz. He says:

 

”The sound produced is not in the mouth, not in the body, but, in fact, in the bones. It is all the bones in the body which are singing and it is like a vibrator exciting the walls of the church, which also sing.”

 

Bone conduction’s actually amplifies the sound through resonance of the cranium and the skull. According to Tomatis, bone conduction stimulates the stapes muscle of the ear, which he believes is the key to stimulating and charging the brain. Tomatis himself manages with a small amount of sleep, less than four hours a night. He attributes this to his listening to sound, which are rich in high harmonics.

 

 

Tomatis has described a phenomenon, which has been called ”The Tomatis Effect”, that states that the voice can only create and duplicate those sounds, which the ear is able to hear. This means that until you are able to hear various overtones, you will not be able to create them in your voice.

 

Listening is undoubtedly a key, not only in obtaining the ability of creating vocal harmonies and improvement of the voice, but of understanding aspects of other levels of consciousness. In the Hindu tradition there is a great awareness of listening as a tool for enhanced consciousness. The art of listening to the outer and inner sound.

http://wavesimon.free.fr/GENERI%20MUSICALI.htm

 

Perhaps the architecture and the acoustics of a church DO matter. Perhaps the way we sing and what we sing DOES influence how we pray, how we believe and even our health. Maybe so many people today are on medications for depression and illnesses and experience a physical and mental fatigue because the very healing gifts of the mass are being removed or altered in such a way as to prevent the body from being able to participate in the gifts God clearly desires to be experienced in and through the body. We are body and soul and God designed it this way therefor it makes sense that the designer would have a reason for giving us the senses and a reason the mass is designed to be experienced through them. So why is it we are not singing Gregorian Chants? I don’t know the answer to that, but clearly the same organization that decided to provide all of the parishes around the world with new hymnals with new music, are making millions of dollars as each Diocese keeps buying their products.

 

PLEASE READ “New Mass Same Heretical Music” to see WHY this is significant!

http://embracingyourgreatness.blogspot.com/2011/05/new-mass.html


AVE MARIA VIBRATION AND FREQUENCY PATTERNS:

 

 

Notice how simply and beautiful the patterns are. It appears like a ladder, one in which our souls can climb to ascend to God as our souls receive the outpouring of Grace when we receive communion.

 

 

 

HANDEL’S MESSIAH VIBRATION AND FREQUENCY PATTERNS:

This one too has an equal amount of space with sound and silence that aspires us upward to the spiritual plane.

 

Then there is the new Comtemporary music that must of us all sing at mass.  Please notice how the following structure is more noise than silence.

 

 

 

HERE I AM LORD by Dan Schutte Vibration and Frequency Patterns:

 

 

 


NOISE VIBRATIONS AND FREQUENCY PATTERNS

 

Noise takes up all of the space with it’s darkness. Darkness is actually measured scientifically by the absence of light. I have heard Dr. Waldstein say that there is no such thing as hate, only the absence of love. So we see that the more absence of silence within a song, the more darkness that it provides. Perhaps this darkness is a blocking agent of the enemy. Theresa Tomeo has a whole book on Noise. I think that noise is an agent of the enemy and blocks us from being able to receive all God desires to give us.

 

 

MILEY CYRUS SONG PARTY IN THE USA FREQUENCY AND VIBRATION PATTERNS

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Healing The Wounds Of Sexual Abuse (book preview)

 I am currently writing a book on healing the wounds of sexual abuse and have put it on Google Docs so that those led to this website through Women of Grace can get more information without having to wait.  Please let me know if there is anything I can add or elaborate on as I hope to have this going to print within the next month.  Just Click the link below;

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Intercourse Of The Heart

“O Church, pilgrim and suffering, of which I am the Mother, you must understand that the center of your life, the fount of your grace, the source of your light, the beginning of your apostolic action is found only here in the tabernacle where Jesus is truly kept…The more your life revolves wholly and entirely at the foot of the tabernacle, in intimate union with Jesus in the Eucharist, the more you will increase in holiness. (#360 c, d, B).

Image 

This is a quote from Fr. Gobbi’s book on what Our Lady spoke to him for the Church.  I read this on a card given to me by Lilla Marie, a woman that is now apart of who am I not merely someone I met or someone that I know.  In fact, I know her as an experience, which is internal rather than external.  I met the love of God in that place.  I learned something about God there and so desire to share it with anyone who is seeking their own identity or seeking to “know” God and His calling on their own lives.  I think for me, this is going to transform how God will evangelize in and through me.  Here is what I believe the Holy Spirit showed me.

 

The source of light, the font of grace to be center of our lives is the tabernacle that is not an external thing (although certainly we know Jesus is there) but in a mystical tabernacle within our hearts.  Mary is the mystical declaration of this truth as first tabernacle.  She embodied the incarnation of God, Jesus Christ within the tabernacle of her womb and she brought Jesus within this tabernacle of her heart to the world when she visited Elizabeth.  In this demonstration she revealed what we are to do when Christ “lives” within us.  We are to bring Him to others and their birthplace within them will “leap” for joy when they receive Him through us.

 

Intercourse of the heart is a 2-fold mystery.  When we spend time with Jesus in the flesh a mystical infusion, penetration and intercourse with our hearts takes place and his “seed” is ejaculated there onto (hopefully) a receptive and fertile ground within us bringing about supernatural life.

 

It renews and refreshes us and it restores us, especially when we receive Him in the flesh because this is not just an intercourse of the heart (Holy Communion) but it is a unification of the body, soul and spirit within us receiving this Holy Seed, His Word and it is made flesh within us.  We enflesh it when we live out the fruit that begins to grow within the tabernacle of our person.  We are “possessed” means an enfleshment of this spiritual reality.  The body, soul and spirit is 3 in 1 or Trinitarian view of our personhood and He comes to us in a profound way in all three of these parts of our personhood.

 

God the Father gave Himself as a full, free, faithful and fruitful gift to the son and the Son openly received this gift and gave Himself to the father in this same way and the love between them IS the Holy Spirit.

 

The more your life revolves wholly, meaning is surrendering your all and everything (I surrender all) in its entirety at the foot of the tabernacle within you, this submission allows Him to possess us and conforms our will more perfectly to His.  Through this possession of our being, our tabernacle of our personhood then is possessed by the Holy Spirit and made manifest in intimate union (intercourse of the heart) with Jesus in the Eucharist.

 

When we are in His presence (Adoration) or receive Him in Holy Communion, a mystical restoration takes place through an intercourse of our person with God in His Three Persons, not just 1 of the three persons.  This brings new meaning to “you are what you eat”.

 

We need to be recharged, to receive and be filled to overflowing so that we can be filled so as to spill out to those who are desperate for their thirsts to be quenched.   It seems that intercourse of the heart with God is a profound way to do this and the purer the form of Him we receive the more capable we are to enflesh Him in and through our own lives, families, communities and friendships.  The more we do this the more we will increase in holiness.

 

I desire to be filled.  I desire to be capable of evangelizing in the way that Heidi Baker, founder of Iris Ministries declared in the foreword of Michelle Perry’s book LOVE HAS A FACE.  She said  “I have seen visions of a radical army of laid down lovers- a whole generation of those who are so full of passion and intimacy that they run into the darkness without fear to bring in the lost bride.”  What I have to say to that is this.  COME HOLY SPIRIT COME.

 

For more on this go to “Missionaries of Our Mother of The Eucharist.  The website is linked HERE. 

 
 
by

My Undoing

God undid me and then put me back together again.  Sometimes it’s hard to realize that in order for a house in ruin to be fully restored, it must be torn down so as to begin with a more solid foundation.  There is a part of me that feels like this is what Inner Healing has done for me. This form of “therapy” isn’t really therapy.  It healing. It goes to the foundation and helps to bring about full restoration.   I have not been fully restored all at once, but in layers.

 

I have begun to uncover so many agreements I have made with the “father of lies” and in doing so I had given him and his minions permission to oppress me in so many ways.  With inner healing I have been shown that when I am brave enough to trust the builder, my reward will be not just a new and sturdy house but God desires to give me a mansion.

The first thing I had to do was to become vulnerable.  That might sound easy when you read the words a crossed the page but for me it was like having the Ren and Stimpy cartoon when they pluck the roots out of the tooth sockets.  It was beyond painful.  

 




I felt like someone had stripped me naked in front of a bunch of strangers and I had to stand before them in my nakedness.  Then I realized, that I had to go back to the garden and become naked like Adam and Eve were before the fall.  If I would be willing to become naked without shame, then I would discover what it truly means to enter into the words “Jesus, I trust in You”.  

 

Trust is about being vulnerable.  Unless I was willing to be vulnerable, I would never fully enter into trusting God.  I thought I trusted God, but I was not relinquishing my control over the direction of my life nor that of my families.

I had come to this retreat to get some healing.  I couldn’t go home and face all the trials of my life without it! That morning the readings were about “ask and the door will be opened” kind of stuff.  

Really? I thought to myself, what a joke.  I have been asking for years so where are you?  I began to get angry as I listened to scripture saying that God desires to heal us and help us and love us.  I guess that means for other people and not for me then.  The rage was welling up inside of me. I had to get out of there.   The facilitator asked what our reflections were on the readings for the morning.  You can bet that I let him have it.  


”I think it’s a crock of shit” I said.  “All the hemorrhaging woman had to do was to touch His garment, what do I have to do?” I screamed.


”Well, the hemorrhaging woman bled for 12 years” said the facilitator.


”Even Lazarus had to wait 3 days before he was raised from the dead” was another response.  


”Well, I was sexually abused when I was 3 and I am 41 now so I think I have been waiting long enough” I snapped back.

Their comments, although meant to reassure me, just infuriated me more.  For every scripture verse they had to why it was justified that I had not received any relief yet, I had two more as to why God promised He would show up when He is needed.

I left the group and stormed up the stairs to my room.   As soon as I got to my room, I let Him have it.  


I yelled at God and told Him how upset I was.  I into the bathroom and punched the shower curtain until my knuckles bled (yes, I know it was a temper tantrum).

As I began to lose steam, I yelled out the words; “What do I have to do for you to fucking show up? Lose Control??” 


That is when I heard the very small words; “yes”.


My first thought was; “What? Give up control? Hell No!”

What if God doesn’t show up? If I am not in control then all hell will break lose! Is God crazy?  It will be a death spiral into chaos! Besides, to give up control I would have to be vulnerable. I would have to open myself to the unknown.  I can’t do that! I am not ready for that!  He can’t be asking me for that!


”Vulnerable” is not a word that anyone who has known me would use to describe me.  I have prided myself on being self-sufficient.  My entire life I have taken care of my family and myself because I felt that no one else could be trusted to do it.  The thought of relinquishing control and allowing God to take the reigns terrified me.  


As I considered the impending doom that would await me if I even contemplated being vulnerable, I saw an image in my imagination of myself on a horse drawn carriage.  I had one rein and God had the other.  The carriage was all over the place.  I guess letting God have one rein was a great first step but by not giving Him both reigns I was going nowhere fast.  I felt the Holy Spirit prompt me to consider giving God both reins, at least for this week so He could show me His plan and that He could be trusted.  


Could I do that?   Well, I am miserable living the way I am so I have nothing to lose.  So I stepped out in fear and consented.  I decided anytime I felt Him prompt me, I would submit to being vulnerable.  Honestly, I was a little excited to see what this would feel like.  I was in a safe place to do this so the circumstances of my experiment seemed worthy of effort. 

 


There is an extraordinary video that a woman at this healing retreat shared with me by Brene Brown entitled “The Power of Vulnerability”.  It was this video that gave me the courage to embrace vulnerability and then and only then could healing be possible.  I should note that she also has a second video that is even better (but needs to be watched after her vulnerability video) entitled “Listening To Shame”. 

 



 

The first morning of my Inner Healing course I would be asked to submit control. I was asked to participate in a living sculpture of the trinity. At one point I was asked to enter into the sculpture.  I was asked to rest my head on the “Father’s” chest while the ” Son” would embrace me from the front and the “Holy Spirit” was supporting and hugging me from behind.  It felt awkward and feigned.  I began resenting the fact that I had agreed to submit to being vulnerable.

“A quiet moment” Sculpture

 

To make matters worse I was sobbing uncontrollably.  It felt like everyone watching must surely think I was a basket case and needed psychiatric care.  I could not express in words what my heart ached with or was crying out so I asked them; “Can I show you what I feel?”  The facilitator nodded his head. 

I dropped to the floor and laid in a ball in front of the “Father”.  I held his ankles and laid my face upon his feet. His feet became wet with my tears and wiped them with my hair.  The room and the people in it disappeared (See the above picture by Mr. Johnson because it is an image of exactly how I felt at that moment). 


I remained there sobbing and thought of Mary Magdalene and wished I had expensive perfumed oils to offer.  All I could think of was my desire for the Father to love me.  I thought to myself, I am not worthy to stand and face you but surely I am worthy to lie at your feet?   There is a great book that describes the scene of Mary Magdalene at Jesus’ feet (besides the bible of course) that describes it so very beautifully.  



The scene of Mary Magdalene encountering Jesus is described in Michele Perry’s book “Love Has a Face” as thus:


“She spent her life earning a living by selling false love to any who would buy it. But the Man before her now was different.  He looked passed her reputation to her very soul. His eyes had no agenda, no desire to use her. They probed the deepest crevices of her pain but she saw no loathing, no hatred, and no condemnation.  How could this be?  She saw only compassion and mercy mingled with sadness at what He knew she had suffered.  She looked away.  She did not know what to do in the face of love that held no guile or hidden motive.  Yet her gaze drew back to this Man they called Teacher.  Her heart compelled her.


Could it really be true?  One more time their gazes locked.  She could not look away again even if she tried.  How could she return even a drop of the ocean of love in which He washed her that day?  It was inappropriate to be sure. It was in the middle of an important dinner for which she had no invitation. And it was not in the proper manner.   She could scarcely believe she had just barged right into the middle of the room.  It was absolutely undignified yet she was compelled by His love.   She washed His feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair.  It costs her everything, every shred of dignity and year’s wages gone in an instant as she poured out her precious perfume.


Did they know how this amount had been earned? She shuddered at the thought but it was fleeting.  The look in His eyes again captured her heart.  The room disappeared.  The jeering looks and accusations faded as He filled all her vision.


Wasteful.  Indignant.  Extravagance poured over this Man the only Man who ever showed her the face of love.  How could she not pour out her everything on Him?  Love outpoured overtook the gathering.  The fragrance of intoxicating overpowering adoration that gave all it had and risked all it was filled the room.  Inappropriate. Indecent.  Scandalous.  Wasteful.


But Jesus-what did he do?  He accepted it.  He defended it.  He applauded it.  He cherished it.   He recorded it for all time”pg 47


I have been praying for receptivity to the Holy Spirit for the past two years.  I was now being able to see that vulnerability is.  It is the predicator to receptivity.  This is what I was seeking. 

 


Why was I so afraid of vulnerability? Why did I see vulnerability as weakness? 


It was then that I got the answer.  I saw a picture in my mind of me at 3 years of age, lying naked on a waterbed being sexually abused by “Al” the babysitter.


Of Course! I had made the agreement that vulnerability means losing your rights and being unprotected.  You cannot get more vulnerable than being three years old, naked and being sexually assaulted in a strange place.  Even if I could have gotten away where would I have gone? I was alone and had no idea how to get home.  This was vulnerability to me.  I had decided at three years old that being vulnerable meant being violated, assaulted and victimized.  I thought the only person that could be trusted to protect me was myself because others cannot be counted upon.  It was this lie that I had decided to believe that set me up to be a woman that could not be vulnerable. I had misunderstood what being vulnerable means.  I had thought to be a vulnerable woman would become a woman that was weak. 





Mary Magdalene was not weak, she was brave.  She was brave enough to believe that Christ would accept her and her offering.  She marched a crossed that floor and she opened herself in a very vulnerable way.  She was not assaulted there nor did she become violated. In fact, it was her lifestyle that violated her and stripped her of her dignity.  Here, in her willingness to expose herself she was having her dignity restored.  That’s when it hit me.  If I was willing to become naked in the same way then could I be healed too?  Was I resisting being vulnerability because I was still consumed by shame?  What is shame? What does it mean to say that Adam and Eve were naked without shame?  Could it be that I must be willing to willingly become naked in front of God so that in that voluntary vulnerability I could finally experience healing? Yes, I think I needed to relinquish control so that I could let God lead me.  If I could do that, it would be the beginning of learning to trust Him.


Control has been my lover for the last 41 years.  It has made me feel strong, competent and has soothed my anxieties like drugs for a junkie.  If I could not deal with how something was happening, I would take control.  Want to know how that has worked out for me? Let’s just say I have burned a lot of bridges in my life using control as a coping mechanism.  Being vulnerable meant I would have to give up control.  This was going to be harder than I thought. 


One of the nights I was at the Healing retreat I had a dream about what this control was doing in my marriage.  In the dream I was about to be attacked by a large deformed dog.  It was about to crush my skull in it’s oversized jaws.  My husband was standing in front of me, raising his fist to strike the dog beast down.  I watched, as he seemed to be slowly puffed up with air.  He was getting larger and larger but he did not release raised fist to strike the dog.  Fear began to well up inside of me.  I had to take over.   I began to scream at him. 

“What are you doing? Hit the dog!!! He is going to kill me! Shawn! Whats wrong with you?! Hit the dog!”

 

 


As I continued to yell at him, I watched as the air began to go out of him and he grew smaller and smaller with every scream. 


Then it was our daughter Mercedes sitting in my place.  She is our 8 year old daughter and she is a tiny, petite , little flibertyjibbit.  Surely he would rise to the occasion for his daughter? 


I sat powerless to help her.  Once again he began to fill up, growing taller and larger.  His fist rose up higher and larger.  My fear that the dog would strike before Shawn would act burst out of me again.   I began to yell and holler at him to hit the dog.   The louder I yelled, the smaller my husband became.  


The next morning I thought about the dream.  I realized that my desire to control as well as my refusal to be vulnerable was emasculating my husband.  I had stripped him of feeling adequate, worthy or even capable of doing, well…anything.  




Could it be that me controlling the family and all of our decision was stealing his joy, his purpose, his worthiness?  If he were in that role, would he in fact become a more beautiful husband and father?  I then thought about how the man is the “head” and the woman is the “heart”.  

I honestly believe that for a woman to operate in the head, she must make her heart covered in stone.  A woman is made to flow from the heart.  Even scientists and psychiatrists will tell you that a man has the ability to think through stressful situations and assess them cognitively without being drawn into the affect.  He can then compartmentalize them and rank them in according to purpose and then deal with the decisions that flow from it.  

Women usually think on things simultaneously.  For me to put myself into the very stressful role of dealing with all of the difficult decisions (that come from the head) I had to shut off my heart or else I would have internally combusted.  I had made my heart into stone.  No wonder I had a hard time hugging and kissing my children! I had to turn off the affect so I could get things done! I had a house to run and finances to sort out and decisions to make and stress to deal with! I had no time for snuggling and comforting children.  


It’ somewhat ironic that I went to Florida to find out why I have a hard time showing affection and ended up dealing with the very thing that the root or cause.  I thought about how arguing with the HVAC guy or electrical guy or the bank guy etc, was making me into a hardened woman not a vulnerable one.  I could not be both.  I was not made for being a manipulative woman that always found a way to get what she wanted or needed.  I was made to love and be loved.  


I now had to ask myself the question is there a spiritual aspect of this issue of mine that must be addressed? “Have I come into agreement with a spirit of control?”.  I looked deeply within me and prayed to the Holy Spirit for wisdom. I had barely begun to ask the question when a resounding YES rang out within me.  It’s name is The Jezebel Spirit.  (Click the link for more information).


The next day I spent some time with the Intercessory Prayer team and we renounced lies, unbound agreements and cut the connections that the Jezebel Spirit had made to me.  I realized right away that I had come into agreement with the clever lies it had proposed to me.  It is in making an agreement that I had given it power in my life.  


I can honestly say I experienced a tremendous shift in my thinking and freedom from something very powerful.  That week was another week in the journey to becoming the woman I have always been meant to be.  If I want my husband to succeed in being father, husband and man of God that he has been called to be, then I must give him the opportunity to lead our family.  It is this very thing that will fulfill him and his masculinity.  

So where am I now? Well, now I am dealing with trust and overcoming the fear that wells up inside of me when I am not the one making the decisions at home or orchestrating how the days, weeks and months play out (not easy at all but I can do all things through Christ Who Strengthens me! Phil 4:13). 


If I am standing on the platform then how will he ever be able to?  Everyday it hurts.  Everyday I am challenged to be vulnerable but the first step came in understanding that Jesus would never define being vulnerable as opening myself to be violated.  


Being vulnerable now means that I am willing to be imperfect.  I know that I am not bad, in fact, I am the opposite, I am very, very good.  I may make mistakes and do things that are bad, but I am not bad.  In fact, I have been hard wired for struggle.  I will continue to struggle against the difficulties of life but now I realize that when I am vulnerable, I open up the door for God to come in and take care of me.

I have now entered into a trusting relationship with God in a very different way.  I try to pay attention to when I use the words “should” and “need” and “but” because they show me when I am trying to control people or things or when I am not allowing God the freedom to move in my life or the lives of others.  


I am glad I had the courage to be vulnerable because if I hadn’t I would have missed a week of intense inner healing of the deep wounds I have carried from my childhood.  I am not all better yet, but I am on the road to healing.  He knocked on the door and I opened it.  I now allow Him to lead as the Good Shepard and I am continually reminding myself not to take the place of the butcher (the guy who drives the sheep).  When He leads (and I am not driving things from behind) then I can trust that He will take care of me and I can be vulnerable.   His way, affords protection, green pastures, quiet waters, it refreshes my soul and I am protected from evil.  That sounds a whole lot better than what I have been giving myself the past 41 years. 

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. 

2 

    He makes me lie down in green pastures,

he leads me beside quiet waters, 

3 

    he refreshes my soul. 

He guides me along the right paths 

    for his name’s sake. 

4 

Even though I walk

    through the darkest valley,[a] 

I will fear no evil, 

    for you are with me; 

your rod and your staff,

    they comfort me.

5 

You prepare a table before me

    in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil; 

    my cup overflows.

6 

Surely your goodness and love will follow me

    all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord

    forever.