The Wedding March

We were made for union and communion. We were made by love to love.

A few years ago now I was watching Good Morning America and they featured a newly married couple’s Wedding March Youtube video. As I watched the video I began to cry. My first impression was that I was the bride and Jesus was the Bridegroom and the wedding March would be the day that I passed from this life to the next and it would look just like this couples Wedding March. I sent the video to a friend of mine asking if my first impressions were sacrilegious? After all, I was not saying we should profane a Church or be irreverent to the eucharist in the tabernacle or that we should use pop music in a Wedding Ceremony, rather I was merely looking deeper into the intrinsic beauty of what a Wedding is through the lens of Theology of The Body.

He affirmed me in my initial observation and reminded me of 2 Samuel where David danced naked before the tabernacle because He was overcome with joy, and love of God. I heard later he used it that same month in teaching Theology of The Body to a group of students at the center in which he works. Media really can help us teach and even enter into the mysteries of God especially when it is music or art because it penetrates our hearts and this is what Christ says He desires to do, to give us hearts of flesh to replace the hearts of stone that have become hardened by sin.

As I listened and watched the video (as I encourage you to do now before reading this blog as it will make more sense to you) I imagined my Wedding March with me as the Bride and Jesus Christ as my Bridegroom. I would be surrounded by the Saints and they would be filled with joy and exuberance, they would be like David in 2 Samuel, dancing and singing at my celebration of union and communion with my Bridegroom.

The words to the song became the words of the lover of my soul, He sang to me all that He has desired since my creation.

It’s you and me
Moving at the speed of light into eternity
Tonight is the night
To join me in the middle of ecstasy

Feel the melody and the rhythm of the music
Around you, around you

I’ma take you there, I’ma take you there
So don’t be scared, I’m right here, ready?
We can go anywhere, go anywhere
But first, it’s your chance, take my hand, come with me

teresa ecstasy bernini saint st theresa
This first part reminds me of Pope Benedict the XVI’s encyclical on Love in which he gives us a thorough understanding of ecstasy. In fact, the Holy Father reminds us that when rightly understood, this is not about sex but is about the love of the trinity and it tries to express a depth that is unfathomable to us, no words in the human language can express it, but ecstasy is close. In fact, St. Theresa of Avila often went into “ecstasy” when she was having visions. There is a famous sculpture that tries to depict what it looked like, but what we are told is that is is like a piercing of our hearts with a fiery arrow that sinks and penetrates into the deepest recesses of our souls. Christ the Bridegroom desires to penetrate the hardness of our hearts and set it on fire like the burning bush on Mt. Sinai, like the Seraphim Angels that are the closest to God.
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There are some saints that say that we were sung into existence, St. Francis says when we sing we pray twice. There are many that have near death experiences that said they heard music that was so beautiful they could not equate it to anything here except a choir of angels. St. Juan Diego heard singing on the Tepeyac hill so it is safe to say, that the we will feel the melody and the rhythm of the music around us.
hands
The Bridegroom tells us “Be Not Afraid, I go before you always, come follow me and I will bring you home”. This was also the motto of Pope John Paul II, “Be Not Afraid”. The taking of His hand is the submission of our will and the body speaking the language of our soul which is yes, I agree, I acquiesce, I submit, I give my fiat, my hand in marriage to be united to you in all things.

Feels like were on another level
Feels like our love’s intertwined
We can be two rebels
Breaking the rules, me and you, you and I

All you gotta do is watch me
Look what I can do with my feet
Baby, feel the beat inside

walk on water

When we consecrate ourselves and become receptive as Mary showed us in her own yes to the wedding proposal, we are espoused to the Holy Spirit, intertwined and it feels like we are on another level. We are in the world but not of the world and suddenly our hearts feel like rebels against the ugliness of the world and often we are not accepted but persecuted as if we truly were rebels. We break the rules of political correctness and society’s rules of what is and is not successful and all we have to do is watch Him, keep our eyes fixed on Him. What can He do with His feet? He can walk on water! Can we trust Him enough to step out of our boat?

I’m driving, you could take the front seat
Just need you to trust me, oh oh oh
It’s like now

It’s a long way down, we so high off the ground
Sending for an angel to bring me your heart
Girl, where did you come from? Got me so undone
Gaze in your eyes got me saying

trust in you
Jesus I trust In You. For those of you that read my blog regularly you know how I had an epiphany this year when I realized that those words mean relinquishing control, handing over the reigns, being willing to renounce the Idolatry of control and allow God to drive. But He does not ask us to take a back seat, in fact we are next to Him. We still get to navigate the direction of our lives, we are just allowing Him figure out How and if we get there and that is how we truly live the words, Jesus I trust in You.

He sends each of us an angel, our Guardian Angel’s sole purpose (no punn intended) is to bring us Christ’s heart and to bring our heart to Christ. He also give us St. Michael to fight against the powers and principalities of this world that continually try to infest and oppress us so that we become over burdened with lifes hardships and FORGET that we are destined for the Wedding March to the Wedding feast the Wedding Banquet of the Lamb and we are His honorable guest. No, we are His bride.

gazing

The eyes are the window to the soul and when we truly see the person in front of us, not look at them, but we see them, we enter into what I have been calling “intercourse of the heart”. I wrote an entire piece on what that is in case you do not know. I believe we are all called to see one another in this way. Babies innately know how to gaze into our eyes in this way, seeking us out, going deep down into our hearts as they gaze lovingly upon their mothers. Any breastfeeding mother and even those holding a bottle has seen this gaze and it is more than looking.

What a beautiful lady, no ifs, ands or maybes
I’m releasing my heart and it’s feeling amazing
There’s no one else that matters, you love me
And I won’t let you fall girl, let you fall girl

I won’t let you fall, let you fall, let you fall
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah

Many of us do not feel beautiful or even beautiful but that is because we set our standards based on what society and culture say is desirable. In some cultures being obese is beautiful but in America it is equated to a sin. Each and everyone of us are beautiful in the creator eyes. When we go to Him for our identity and worth we no longer need to prove ourselves academically, or concern ourselves with how big our breasts are how large our muscles are, how small our waist is, how white our teeth are, we are unique and unrepeatable persons that He chose to create out of nothing and our soul is immortal and will exist for all eternity.
cross

He released His heart to all of us on the cross. Christ died for us, releasing us from the effects of original sin, the trinitarian love of God expressed to us through the incarnation of Christ, gives us a snapshot into how God loves and how we are called to love one another and to love Him. We are called to give ourselves as a free, total, faithful and fruitful gift. Even though God has created innumerable souls, each one of us matters to Him, each of us are written on His heart and He desires a relationship with us. I have 8 children, do I love any one of them any less? Would I give my life for any one of them to prevent their deaths or their suffering? How much more does God love us when we, as flawed as we are, can love our own children imperfectly? The cross and Christ’s gift of self to the Father, has given us the bridge to unite ourselves once again to God and to come to the Wedding Feast.

It’s like I waited my whole life for this one night
It’s gon’ be me, you and the dance floor
‘Cause we only got one night
Double your pleasure, double your fun

And dance forever-ever-ever
Forever-ever-ever
Forever-ever-ever
Forever
(Forever)

We were made for union and communion.  We were made by love to love.

We were made for union and communion. We were made by love to love.

God waits our whole lives, for some He must wait longer than others. He waits to be re-united to us at the altar. Our whole lives are about the “one night” the night of The Wedding March. We will appear before our Bridegroom, surrounded by the saints that are dancing, doing handstands and cartwheels because our joy is their joy and their joy is our joy. As we dance down the red carpet towards the lover of our soul, He will do a summersault to us expressing is jubilation and His unless we are like a child we cannot enter the Kingdom of God so of course God would do summersaults for us. As He takes our hand and threads His arm through our own, we will approach the Father together (I chose to believe the woman in the video is Mary, welcoming me to the Father’s house) and there, we will dance forever-ever-ever
Forever-ever-ever
Forever-ever-ever
Forever

Zombie Apocalypse; We are the walking wounded

IF
Have you noticed there are a lot of zombie movies and television shows lately? It is as if Hollywood can see what so many of us are refusing to see. We are the walking wounded. We may not live in the biblical times of leprosy but we certainly live in a time of spiritual leprosy. We live in a fallen world and with fallen people. The new normal is not man and wife with three kids a dog, a house and a white picket fence. In fact, I am not even sure what the new normal is, but it is definitely not the “traditional” family. The movies we watch that are depicting human beings as zombies, are closer to the truth than most tv sitcoms.
zombie
We are all wounded in some way. Some of us are living with the effects of sexual abuse or physical abuse; some of us were abandoned by our parents. Still others were emotionally abused or psychologically traumatized by alcoholic or drug addicted parents or even others were ritualistically abused. Whatever the your childhood, chances are you either experienced abuse or neglect yourself or someone very close to you did. The effects of abuse wounds us and it is in through these wounds that we begin to form our understandings and beliefs about who we are, who God is and whether or not we believe in anyone or anything.

The wounds that are inflicted upon us are openings to evil or negativity. Call it what you will, it is through wounds that we are opened up and it is as these moments we can become bound up as prisoner to our pain, our fears and the vows that we make to ourselves.
nailed
If you or someone you know feels they are nailed to their cross instead of carrying it, then this book may be an answer to prayer. I have endured many of the abuses listed above. I have done what most do, I have gone on to wound others in the very way in which I am wounded. It is an irony that is not lost on me. However, it is helpful to recognize this because it helps us to discover the root wounds buried and hidden deep with us. When we see how we wound others, or we meet people that create a distress in us, usually it is a neon sign, pointing us to an area that we need healing in.
neon
I am hoping that those of you that are seeking healing are inspired by my story but are also given the courage to be vulnerable in ways you have dared not to for so very long.
bridegroom
It is in being vulnerable that we are able to open ourselves to the Bridegroom. Jesus is the Bridegroom and knows all of the secrets of our story. He desires to make us whole and it is only through His grace that we can be transformed. I am here to say it is not only possible, but what you might believe to be your greatest flaw or ugliest secret may just be the birthplace of greatness.
chosen

Each of us were created by God and chosen out of all the “potential” people God could have created to come into existence. God knew what He was getting when He created me, He knew how I would fall, how I would fail Him and yet He did it anyway. I am no surprise to God. He chose me! When we created me, He chose to make me female because God has a plan for my life and being a woman is part of His plan. People do bad things. Our free will allows for that. It’s called God’s permissive will. He does not actively will it, but He promised after the flood that He would not interfere directly against our will. He sealed it with a promise for all to see with a rainbow.

heart
God gives each of us gifts and charisms to enable us to more perfectly carry out our calling yet each of us are given a choice as to whether or not we chose to live out our calling. When we are abused, we begin to lose our ability to function as a “whole” person because our very personhood is wounded. These wounds go very deep and actually separate us from being able to see truth, to love and to be loved and may even destroy our lives in the process. Joy becomes an abstract concept and not a personal experience for the person with wounds.

The wounds created in us many times lead to sin. Many people wound in the very ways in which they were wounded as a means to protect themselves. Many people who abuse were abused themselves.
new
Here is the Good News! Christ came to restore us! He makes all things new! When our wounds are redeemed and washed clean in the blood of Christ we are made new. The very places you feel the most broken become your most beautiful gifts. He will shine out of your wounds in ways that will not only transform you, but it will transform the people around you. His light shines through our wounds revealing hope and healing on the other side.

Come and put your fingers into my wounds so that you too will believe. Open your hearts and minds to not only believe but to receive your own healing because today is the day of freedom!
fingers in wounds
I want to issue a warning for those of you that are easily disturbed by stories that include abuse. While I am not descriptive in every detail, I do share my story of abuse. Please feel free to skip over areas that may be to troubling to you to read. Make note of anything that you read that stirs up fear or anxiety in a journal so you can go back to it later in prayer. Often times, our reactions that are distressing are actually distress symptoms of something within our own hearts that God desires to heal in us. It is the distress symptom that acts as the treasure map so that we can find the hidden areas within us that once discovered and healed, will be our greatest treasure and pearl of great worth.

This book is about my journey of healing from the wounds of my childhood. It is because I did not want to pass on my wounds to my own children, and because I no longer desire to live out of my wounds, that I embarked on a journey of self-discovery. The reason I have decided to write this book is because of the freedom I have found on that journey. I have received more healing in the last year by this method than all of the 30 years of counseling combined.

I was three the year I was sexually abused for the first time. But I have been healed and created anew!

I was three the year I was sexually abused for the first time. But I have been healed and created anew!


I cannot contain it for myself, I must share it because I see so many people in my travels that are broken, hurting, alone, lost and suffering under the weight of their own weaknesses and I desire to be Simon to them. In fact, once we gain freedom from our wounds, they become transformed and begin to radiate Christ to all those around us. Let me share my own journey with you and say a simple prayer of agreement now, “Come Holy Spirit, Come” so that perhaps you too will be made new.
If one person finds freedom and joy because of my story, then I will know I did the right thing in sharing my story.