Have you noticed there are a lot of zombie movies and television shows lately? It is as if Hollywood can see what so many of us are refusing to see. We are the walking wounded. We may not live in the biblical times of leprosy but we certainly live in a time of spiritual leprosy. We live in a fallen world and with fallen people. The new normal is not man and wife with three kids a dog, a house and a white picket fence. In fact, I am not even sure what the new normal is, but it is definitely not the “traditional” family. The movies we watch that are depicting human beings as zombies, are closer to the truth than most tv sitcoms.
We are all wounded in some way. Some of us are living with the effects of sexual abuse or physical abuse; some of us were abandoned by our parents. Still others were emotionally abused or psychologically traumatized by alcoholic or drug addicted parents or even others were ritualistically abused. Whatever the your childhood, chances are you either experienced abuse or neglect yourself or someone very close to you did. The effects of abuse wounds us and it is in through these wounds that we begin to form our understandings and beliefs about who we are, who God is and whether or not we believe in anyone or anything.
The wounds that are inflicted upon us are openings to evil or negativity. Call it what you will, it is through wounds that we are opened up and it is as these moments we can become bound up as prisoner to our pain, our fears and the vows that we make to ourselves.
If you or someone you know feels they are nailed to their cross instead of carrying it, then this book may be an answer to prayer. I have endured many of the abuses listed above. I have done what most do, I have gone on to wound others in the very way in which I am wounded. It is an irony that is not lost on me. However, it is helpful to recognize this because it helps us to discover the root wounds buried and hidden deep with us. When we see how we wound others, or we meet people that create a distress in us, usually it is a neon sign, pointing us to an area that we need healing in.
I am hoping that those of you that are seeking healing are inspired by my story but are also given the courage to be vulnerable in ways you have dared not to for so very long.
It is in being vulnerable that we are able to open ourselves to the Bridegroom. Jesus is the Bridegroom and knows all of the secrets of our story. He desires to make us whole and it is only through His grace that we can be transformed. I am here to say it is not only possible, but what you might believe to be your greatest flaw or ugliest secret may just be the birthplace of greatness.
Each of us were created by God and chosen out of all the “potential” people God could have created to come into existence. God knew what He was getting when He created me, He knew how I would fall, how I would fail Him and yet He did it anyway. I am no surprise to God. He chose me! When we created me, He chose to make me female because God has a plan for my life and being a woman is part of His plan. People do bad things. Our free will allows for that. It’s called God’s permissive will. He does not actively will it, but He promised after the flood that He would not interfere directly against our will. He sealed it with a promise for all to see with a rainbow.
God gives each of us gifts and charisms to enable us to more perfectly carry out our calling yet each of us are given a choice as to whether or not we chose to live out our calling. When we are abused, we begin to lose our ability to function as a “whole” person because our very personhood is wounded. These wounds go very deep and actually separate us from being able to see truth, to love and to be loved and may even destroy our lives in the process. Joy becomes an abstract concept and not a personal experience for the person with wounds.
The wounds created in us many times lead to sin. Many people wound in the very ways in which they were wounded as a means to protect themselves. Many people who abuse were abused themselves.
Here is the Good News! Christ came to restore us! He makes all things new! When our wounds are redeemed and washed clean in the blood of Christ we are made new. The very places you feel the most broken become your most beautiful gifts. He will shine out of your wounds in ways that will not only transform you, but it will transform the people around you. His light shines through our wounds revealing hope and healing on the other side.
Come and put your fingers into my wounds so that you too will believe. Open your hearts and minds to not only believe but to receive your own healing because today is the day of freedom!
I want to issue a warning for those of you that are easily disturbed by stories that include abuse. While I am not descriptive in every detail, I do share my story of abuse. Please feel free to skip over areas that may be to troubling to you to read. Make note of anything that you read that stirs up fear or anxiety in a journal so you can go back to it later in prayer. Often times, our reactions that are distressing are actually distress symptoms of something within our own hearts that God desires to heal in us. It is the distress symptom that acts as the treasure map so that we can find the hidden areas within us that once discovered and healed, will be our greatest treasure and pearl of great worth.
This book is about my journey of healing from the wounds of my childhood. It is because I did not want to pass on my wounds to my own children, and because I no longer desire to live out of my wounds, that I embarked on a journey of self-discovery. The reason I have decided to write this book is because of the freedom I have found on that journey. I have received more healing in the last year by this method than all of the 30 years of counseling combined.
I cannot contain it for myself, I must share it because I see so many people in my travels that are broken, hurting, alone, lost and suffering under the weight of their own weaknesses and I desire to be Simon to them. In fact, once we gain freedom from our wounds, they become transformed and begin to radiate Christ to all those around us. Let me share my own journey with you and say a simple prayer of agreement now, “Come Holy Spirit, Come” so that perhaps you too will be made new.
If one person finds freedom and joy because of my story, then I will know I did the right thing in sharing my story.