For Such A Time As This…

This article is the talk I gave at the 2023 Women’s Catholic Conference in Buffalo New Work

Let’s start a revival! We are living in a time that needs a radical army of laid down lovers. 

A  generation of us who are so full of passion and intimacy that we are not afraid to run into the darkness to bring in the lost bride.


We, each of us, received an invitation to come today and we answered it with our yes. 

Some of you are here after great difficulty and may have even had everything go wrong just to get here today. Raise your hand if that is you?

Some of you  woke up thinking about skipping it, am I right?  even though you paid for it and even though you have a friend or family member that expected you to be here. Come on now….

How do I know this? Because I understand the battle my sisters. Let me just tell you I know the battle is real and it is EVERY DAY!!!

Have any of you seen the meme that says that when Satan hears your feet hit the floor when you get out of bed in the morning, he says to himself Oh hell, she’s up. Well, lately I have felt like my meme would be “Oh hell…(rubbing hands together…she’s up).

 So whatever you went through today, whether it was an internal battle or spiritual battle or literally battled obstacles that seemed to try and block you from coming today, we all persevered and won those battles and are here today, Alleluia! 

I want to take a minute to just breathe in the receptivity of this room and give my gratitude to all of you for being here. 

In the 26 years I have traveled around the world speaking, my most favorite part has always been meeting you. When you come and speak to me and share with me your personal journeys and your personal struggles, I am always so blessed.  It has taught me that I am less alone than the enemy would like me to believe. 

It is not often that we get to be surrounded by other women who don’t know us, yet authentically care about our well being and especially care about making this a safe space for us to be vulnerable so I just want to thank you all and remind you all that we are all on the same journey to know, love and serve God and I a honored to be here today. 

Have any of you seen the movie “Mean Girls”? Well, Conferences such as this are the very opposite of the expression “You Can’t Sit With Us” so for all of the amazing women who battled  to give us this amazing day, you can sit with me anytime and anywhere.


So let me share with you a little about who I am. I am 52 years old. I have been married for 30 years and I have 8 children and 1 granddaughter and a grandson on the way. I started writing and speaking in 1997 and over the past 25 years I have traveled to three countries as well as 30 to 40 states where I have been blessed with the opportunity to share the faith and bring healing retreats to tens of thousands of men, women and families. But who I am is a lover of souls, I talk too much, I love a good German beer, I make mistakes multiple times before I learn my lesson and I am always up for an adventure or challenge. I came from a divorced family, my mother was a hippie and my father a Vietnam vet, both alcoholics,  and by the time I was 14 I had been abused by 4 men and I was living in foster care. I have spent the last 13 years studying, practicing and being trained in inner healing ministry and without it I would not be standing here today. In fact, last month I went on one of the best healing retreats I have ever been on, it was a Grief to Grace Healing Retreat for those seeking healing from Trauma and or abuse last month because I am and always will be a work in progress. I have pamphlets at my table if you are interested. 

I only have a few short minutes with all of you and I have spent the last several months praying about what to share with you in the time we have together so I’m breaking with the normal way I present, which is off the cuff and usually less scripted but because I don’t want to miss anything and I’ve written some points down. 

One thing I was very clear about from the very first day I received the invitation was that I wanted to share with you, three things we all need to live a life of holiness and joy. Not surprisingly, those three things also describe who God. Those 3 things are 

He is Truth. He is Life and He is Love. 

 So Let’s start with #1 TRUTH.

In John 8 vs 32 it says “You will know the truth and the truth will set you free.”

But Free from what?  John Chapter 4 vs 18 says;

“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the broken-hearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the bling, to set at liberty them that are bruised”

Regardless of how many retreats I have done or theological courses I have been educated in, I have always been aware of how poor I have felt, how broken hearted I have felt and how captive I have felt. 

How many of you feel poor and I don’t just mean financially poor, I mean poor in spirit? 

Well then, God has sent me today to speak to you. 

How many of you feel you are broken-hearted? 

MMM, Amen sisters, I too am broken hearted and the Holy Spirit wants you to know He is here today to heal our hearts.

 Is there anyone here that feels they are captives desiring to be seen, freed and delivered from something? 

Is there anyone here that desires to be healed and liberated from either a physical or emotional wound?  

I believe our prayers will be answered today in a powerful way if we are open and want these truths for ourselves. But God will not kick in our doors, he will not force anything on it, so we have to demonstrate with our free will that we want the healing. If you want any of these promises from God say Amen right now, AMEN!!! 

Ok let’s invite the Holy Spirit to be with us right now. 

I want to invite the Holy Spirit to be with us in this sacred and protected space to show up for each of us in an individual and personal way so close ypur eyes and while I invite the holy spirit, ask him what truth he wants you to receive today 

One thing that is true is that each of us has a story to share, just like Esther did!  

Just like Esther, Each of us are unique and unrepeatable persons chosen by God, called into existence at this exact time in salvation history.  

Just like Esther, so too does God have a plan for our lives. 

 For anyone that may be hearing the enemy whisper that does not include you, just remind the devil that God knew what he was getting when he made you, you are no surprise to God. He knew what he was going to get and he made each of us anyway. 

I want to stop here for a moment because I want to give you an encounter with the Truth that God has a plan for our lives because the Father of lies, our enemy, the evil one, the devil, wants  to steal that truth from us. 

He wants us to believe we are not enough and not worthy, he wants us to doubt we have any divine purpose and he definitely wants us to believe that God does not speak to us or through us and that you were not created with any divine purpose or divine gifting. In the name of Jesus I renounce those lies and I declare the truth that you were called out of all the potential people God could have created, you are chosen and this calling is revealed in the very Holy Spirit inspired name that you were given at birth. 

About a month ago I asked three people who were on the planning committee for this Women’s conference to volunteer to come up on this stage to allow me to show you all how God has infused meaning into every person at the moment of their creation and this truth is revealed through our very names. Through the operational gifts of the HOly Spirit, I can show you how alive our God is and how each of us are also called in a unique and spectacular way. 

So I would like to invite Sarah, Analise and Grace to the stage. (Remember to give them a free book)

Demonstration Name and Favorite Movie discernment.



SCENE: When Kevin gives the Pigeon Lady a turtle dove 🕊


Everyone seeks you out for advice or for a word of insight when they are hurting or struggling. 

Although you have a lot of people who would refer to you as their friend, those that you allow into the most secret places of your heart and mind, are few if any.

You understand and are able to easily relate to and connect with people who are hurting . 

You do it in such a loving and affirming way that this is the reason people seek you out. 

I’m also guessing you’re funny. You’re the kind of person that laughs with your whole body and other people laugh that way when they’re with you. 

I’m discerning that you have the gift of encouragement or even hospitality. You have the heart of a mother and will be the spiritual mother of 1000’s.

2. Analise: Oath of God, Gracious Promise

MOVIE: It’s a wonderful life


the scene where he is about to leave for the honeymoon but gives out the money instead. 


You are someone that finds joy and pleasure in the smallest of things . For you, your friends and your family are the most important thing in your life but in a deeper and more intimate way. 

You have had to make a sacrifice in life that has been difficult and is part of a cross you carry. 

You’re someone that puts others before yourself yet you bear suffering in the place of family. 

Perhaps you’ve been misunderstood or unappreciated but you are someone that does not break promises. 

I would guess that others would refer to you as someone they can always count on, that you are beautiful and always have been mature for your age. 

You are a deep thinker and deep feeler but may not always be comfortable showing your emotions to others because you feel them so deeply. 

3. Grace/patient and full of grace, courteous, polite, thoughtful, considerate, refined, elegant


SCENE: The last battle. The “For Frodo” scene. 


I am discerning, a very strong and steadfast church militant gifting like that of Joan of Arc. 

Perhaps you understand the spiritual warfare that so many are under, and so desire to help set captives free perhaps it is that you desire to fight against injustice.

I am guessing you’re an excellent speaker. that you have the gift of articulation. Others would describe you as thoughtful, considerate, and patient. 

I am guessing you receive compliments, but sometimes don’t believe them, or even are extremely hard on yourself. That you expect more from yourself and others do. That you have a heart of a martyr. 

Some of the ways the enemy would come against you would be to use fear. I’m also getting a strong sense that he whispers to you lies about who you are and what you’re capable of, but I may just tell you it’s because he is scared of you. 

I’m also discerning that you’re an artist… I saw a ballet dancer in my mind. I saw her hands doing motions like a ballet dancer and saw a wooden carved swans neck. 

So this was not magic, I am not a medium or a psychic, this was a demonstration in the operational gifts of the Holy Spirit for ministry. 

Paul taught, “We have different gifts, according to the grace given us… let [us] use [them] in proportion to [our] faith,” Romans 12:6. 

The spiritual gifts are found in three separate passages in the New Testament (Romans 12; 1 Corinthians 12-14; and Ephesians 4). 

Operational/Ministry Gifts (1 Corinthians 12:8-10, 1 Corinthians 12:27-31): Wisdom, Knowledge, Faith, Healing, Miracles, Prophecy, Helps, Administration, Leadership, Discernment of Spirits, Speaking in Tongues, and Interpreting Tongues. 

These are the tools that the Holy Spirit utilizes for the ongoing ministry and building up of the church.

For any of you that would like me to pray with you or look up your name and use the operational gifts of the Holy Spirit that God has commissioned me with, the conference team has generously set aside a room for me to offer that to you. (DETAILS)

It has been a struggle to believe I was chosen, that what makes me who I am is something that God actually desired and called into being for all eternity simply because he wanted me. 

What made that hard to believe was all of the years of abuse, neglect and trauma and the lies I believed as a result. 

 I do not know what may be preventing you to receiving that you too have been chosen and that you too have a unique and unrepeatable purpose but I am guessing there may be a lie that you have come to believe in place of the truth and that  in that lie, there has been a vow that you may have made to protect yourself. 

 For years, I had issues with anger which made me think I was an angry person.  Anger was merely a symptom , a distress call if you will, it was the revealing of  an unhealed place inside of myself screaming to be seen and heard because as Dr. Phil famously said, you cannot change what you won’t acknowledge.

The first lie I believed when I was abused as a 3 year old child was that to be vulnerable meant to be weak. The enemy proposed a lie which became a lifelong belief or truth of mine. It became my truth. 

The lie was that being vulnerable meant weakness.

The vow I made is that I would not be little, I would be a fighter, I could not count on anyone to save me and I would not be anything that I perceived as weak.

This lie created more and more problems the older I got. I argued with everyone. I was like Matt Damon in the movie Good Will Hunting. Matt Damon tells Robin Williams that when his step-father would beat him he made him choose between a switch, a belt and wrench and Robin asks him, “Which one did you chose?” Matt answers “The Wrench ” Robin asks why the Wrench? Matt’s answer is because F him that’s why. In my anger, I saw strength and I became my own protector. 

I laugh when I see that scene because that is the embodiment of my strong will that even to this day I have to work on to rightly order. 

I am not saying strong wills are bad, on the contrary I am learning to love that about myself. However, living life like To-monika-Tonka-OH-WA-Chi the strong woman character from the movie “Dances with wolves” with Kevin Costner, (which of course means “Stands with a fist) created more problems for me than it solved.

On one hand, this strong will and fighting spirit within me saved me despite all of the years of trauma while On the other hand, I have this deep unhealed wound that lies beneath it all, which was rooted in the core wound of powerlessness. 

Its that expression, Hurt people hurt people. We often wound others in the ways we are wounded. Before we are going to have any chance in bringing Jesus to our hearts and families much less to ine another, we must first address the places we are bleeding out and embrace that healing for ourselves. 

God our Father created each of us for our own sake. The Father of Lies wants to separate us from that truth, which separates us from one another, it separates us from ourselves and it separates us God.



I want you to look through this chart and see the interconnectedness of how our sin or our shortcomings are a result of a deep wound within us and it is the thing we turn to rather than God that traps us in the cycle of pain and disconnection. 

I have created this chart to help others connect the dots as many of us may know the lies we believe but don’t know what vows to renounce, or why nothing we are doing and any amount of prayer is not helping. 

I want you to look through this chart and see the interconnectedness of how our sin or our shortcomings are a result of a deep wound within us and it is the thing we turn to rather than God that traps us in the cycle of pain and disconnection. 

The Truth is we need to ask forgiveness for the false idols we worship, mine was control, we need to renounce the vows and judgments about others and invite the Holy Spirit into the woundedness to be healed. 

There is entire teachings I could offer in healing ministry and on retreats  to better explain all of this but we have only a short amount of time today so I have brought you a chart I created that will enable you to prayerfully start asking yourself what are my lies?  what idols do I need  to renounce and what wounds are lying unhealed underneath it all. 

I do discuss it in more length in my book but this chart will get you started. Spend some time with it, invite the Holy Spirit in to speak to your heart on where He desires to set you free. 

On the other side of the chart/The second sheet you will find a list of Truths that when spoken out loud are claimed by your own declaration but will also reveal to you where the Father of lies may be hiding. We are going to declare  these truths right now and I want you to Pay attention to any words or sentences that create an emotional reaction, especially any lie that feels like true or any truth that feels like a lie. This is how you will know where you are being called by the Holy Spirit to be set free.

ANNOUNCEMENT OF TRUTHS (From Healing The Whole Person Workbook, John Paul II healing Center/Dr. Bob Schuchts healing ministry)


In the name of Jesus Christ, I renounce the lie that I am unloved and unlovable. I renounce the lie that I am not wanted, not desired and not good enough. In Jesus’s name, I announce the truth that by virtue of my baptism I am a beloved son or daughter of the father. I announce the truth that he loves me so much that Jesus gave his life for me, and that there is no greater love possible. I announce the truth that I am loved and valued, wanted and desired, and that I am precious in the fathers eyes.


In the name of Jesus Christ, I renounce the lie that I am alone, that no one understands me or cares for me. I renounce the lie that I am unprotected and that God has abandoned me. In Jesus’s name, I announce the truth that Jesus himself promised me. I will never leave you nor for sake you Hebrews 13; 5 I will be with you till the end of time Matthew 28. I announce the truth that I am connected and understand and deeply cared for. I announce the truth in Holy Communion I am united with Christ and the communion of saints. They are always with me so I am never alone.


In the name of Jesus Christ, I renounce the lie that if I trust I will be hurt, disappointed or die. In the name of Jesus I renounce all fear, anxiety, mistrust and distress. I renounce the lie that I am not safe and not protected. And I announce the truth that God is my rock, my fortress, my deliverer and my protector psalms 23, 27, 91. I announce the truth that God’s perfect love cast out all fear 1 John four; 18. I announce the truth that I am safe and secure.


In the name of Jesus Christ I renounce the lies that I am bad, dirty, ugly, stupid, worthless, perverted and in Jesus name I announce the truth that Jesus died for my sins and that I am forgiven, washed, cleansed, justified and accepted 1 Corinthian 6. I announce the truth that Jesus did not come to condemn me but to save me John 3:17 through 21, Romans eight; one, John eight; 10 through 11. I announce the truth that in the sacrament of reconciliation I am forgiven and set free. I announce the truth that I am pure and worthy, not because of what I have done, but because of what Jesus has done for me.


In the name of Jesus Christ, I renounce the lie that I am powerless, weak, unable to change, not capable, that I am stuck, trapped, then I don’t know what to do. In Jesus’s name I announce the truth that Jesus promised that his grace is perfect in my weakness so that when I am weak, then I am strong to Corinthian’s 12;8-10. I announce the truth that I can do all things through Christ to strengthen to me Philippians 4; 13. I announce the truth, that where the Holy Spirit is there is freedom to Corinthian’s three; 17. Therefore I accept the truth that I am enpowered by Christ and liberated by the Holy Spirit. I announce the truth that through confirmation I am anointed with the power of the Holy Spirit Who lives and dwells in me.


In the name of Jesus Christ, I renounce the lie that nothing ever changes and I will never have what I want. I renounce the lie that my life is meaningless and that I have nothing to live for. In Jesus’s name I announce the truth that my hope is steadfast in Christ and that he makes all things new John 21; five. I announce the truth that because my hope is in Christ and will not be disappointed. Romans five; five. I announce the truth that I am being transformed from glory to glory into the image of Christ second Corinthians 3; 18. And that God is at work and me and what he begins he will bring to completion Phillipiansone; six. Therefore I am filled with hope in the good things to come.


In the name of Jesus Christ, I renounce the lie that everything is confusing, then I don’t understand anything and that it is up to me to figure things out on my own. In Jesus’ name I know the truth is that I have the mind of Christ first Corinthians 2; 16 and that the Holy Spirit reveals whatever I need to know when I need to know it first Corinthian’s one; seven. I announce the truth that the Lord gives wisdom and understanding to anyone who asks. I announce the truth that God has given his church to lead me into all truth. I announce the truth that I have understanding and enlightenment from the Lord.

Make a note next to what stood out and then later, when you have time, take it to prayer and ask Jesus to show you what lie you believe and where you first believed the lie. For some of you, it may go back a long way. When you find it, renounce it in the name of Jesus and ask for the Holy Spirit to continue His Healing work in your heart.

The Truth shall set you free 


I noticed while reading through the story of Esther that the people in the story are morally ambiguous yet are still integral to God’s plan. What I mean by that is there’s a lot of drinking and anger and sex and murder, violations of the Torah, the eating of impure foods, the marrying of a Jew to a gentile and so on, which is really good news for you and me. 

Notice in the story that Esther is put forward to us NOT  as a moral example of actions and behaviors in how she lived her life BUT the story is one giving us as a model of trust and hope that when things get really bad, God will not abandon us. 

The state of the world today scares many of us and the story tells us several things about who God is and how He acts in our lives and the world. 

First of all, he can, does and DESIRES to work in and through each of us. In the story of Esther it is not just her courage, it was not coincidence but it was many persons acting as instruments from which God poured himself out of to save the Jewish people.

Ironically, God was not mentioned in the book of Esther and in doing so the author seems to invite us to consider that even when God seems absent in our lives, when we may feel we are exiled, or when we have fallen back into sinful habits or that it does not mean that God is done with us or that He will abandon us, just like He did not abandon The people in the book of Esther. 

In fact, The Book of Esther is an invitation for us to see that God can and does work in and through the messes that we are and have created. 

Each of us is a work in progress and the story of Esther reminds us that no matter how bad things get, God is committed to redeeming us and through us, the world. 

Christ desires to be carried in the tabernacle of you, to those in your life, your city, your neighbors, your work, your shopping line, whatever your circle of influence is, that is where He is calling you be. We have all been called to cooperate, much like Mary was, to enter into God’s plan of redemption. Co-redeemers, that is what we are called to do…cooperate in his plan to redeem. Let me show you.

Life has a weird way of shaping us. Caryl Houselander’s book “The Reed of God” gives us 3 forms that act as an analogy of how life shapes us, some of those shapes are painful to endure but the form becomes the perfect vessel from which the Holy Spirit desires to fill us, to dwell in us and then pour Himself out into the world. So think about which of the three vessels resembles you. 

The first is a bird’s nest. 

The Second is a Chalice 

and the third is a reed.

The bird’s nest is an analogy of those whose life was formed in love. 

Like a mothers breast that forms the shape of a nest that is lined with soft feathers, some people are blessed to have childhoods that allowed them to grow up in this kind of loving and nurturing environment and those of you that resemble this form are capable of receiving and retaining special intimacies with God that allow you bring truth, life and love to the world in a way others can not. 

The Chalice analogy is that of gold which is hewn from mud and rock and then has to be separated from the dirt through a cleansing process.

It is then put through fire and heat which consumes it entirely making it a new substance. 

This liquid Gold is then poured into a mold to create an entirely new shape and even then it still has to endure pounding and shaping to become the vessel it will be. 

A chalice is formed in just this way and when filled it carries the blood of Christ to us. When those of you whose life resembles this process were formed, you understand sacrifice and transformation in ways others can not. God desires to fill you with truth, life and love in a way that can be carried to a world that is thirsty for and desperate for love. 

The reed is the final analogy. A reed is a weed that usually grows in marshes or ditches. It is cut and stripped and then finally hallowed out by a sharp knife and emptied of its soft insides. 

Once hallowed out, holes are cut into the sides, notching it, breaking it in many places. Through this process of separation, hollowing out, cutting and breaking the tough outer skin, it is transformed into a vessel that a pipers breath can blow through and when her fingers hold down the broken places, a lyrical song transforms the weed into a musical instrument.  

My vessel is the Reed. When I allowed the Holy Spirit to fill me, He transformed what was once harsh and painful and ugly in many places into something beautiful and he now sings through me to you. 

The point I am making is that your life has formed you in a particular way and perhaps you are the perfect vessel from which He desires to fill and be shared with others. 

The enemy cannot read our minds or know God’s plan but our names reveal our calling as does our form or vessel so it is up to us to remember that the battle is not with one another.  

In the movie series “The Hunger Games” they needed to remember this same truth. 

The battle is not with one another, it is not with our partners or our neighbor or that female boss that got you fired or even that woman in Band Booster Club who has driven you out of your position that we loved on the board.

Our battle is against principalities and powers. 

Our  life stories are unique  and my prayer is that you embrace it, allow it to be transformed and that you share your story with others. 

We need you and we need your story. We need you to pray for courage like Esther to trust and hope and allow God to fill you up to overflowing so that He can pour out of you into the lives of people you will encounter. 


Which leaves us with our final topic, which is perhaps the most important because God is love. In the catechism of the Catholic Church 221 it says:

God is love. “God’s very being is love. By sending his only son, the spirit of love, in the fullness of time, God has revealed his innermost secret. God himself is an external exchange of love, father, son, and Holy Spirit, and he has destined us to share in that exchange.


Why is this important? First of all because  you cannot give what you do not have for yourself. We must step into the external exchange of love. 

1 Corinthians 13:1 “If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.”

We can have all of the truth and knowledge or even the best of intentions but without love we can actually drive people away, hurt them so badly that they turn away from the true lover of their souls, who is Jesus. 

The world needs a radical army of laid down lovers willing to see the good in every person especially in the lost and the broken because those who do not know love hide in darkness. 

We, who are lovers of all that is true, good and beautiful are being called to be courageous by running into the dark carrying HIS LOVE in our vessels of clay, we are being called to be living tabernacles, the hands and feet bringing love to a very hurting world. 

That is what a revival of love looks like. It looks like you and me opening ourselves and asking Him for more. Standing in the gap to receive Him in our form, through our stories and the shape it created us to be and to birth his truth, life and love into our lives. 

Love is not a mission or a program or a feeling or even an action or act of the will. 

Love is a living entity, He is alive as the 3rd person of the holy trinity and we are all being given an invitation to open and receive HIM in what I believe is an unprecedented time in history. We are on the cusp of something big but you know what? 

The thing is…we must first encounter and receive love personally before we can be the face of love to others.  What I would hope for today, is that we, as Church, open ourselves to be filled so that we can offer our excess to others as a free, total, gift of self because that is what it means to love. 

So let’s open ourselves right now to receive Him. Let’s ask for the Holy Spirit to conceive divine life within us right now so that we can birth truth, life and love in our lives, right now today in a new and powerful way. Right now close your eyes and ask The Holy Spirit what He desires for you to receive. 

prayer written by Cardinal Mercier. 

O Holy Spirit, beloved of my soul, I adore You. 

Enlighten me, guide me, strengthen me, console me. 

Tell me what I should do; give me Your orders. 

I promise to submit myself to all that You desire of me

and to accept all that You permit to happen to me. 

Let me only know Your Will.

Love desires to see the one in front of us. Love means stopping for the one and making a connection. Every person that looks upon your face is asking themselves “Can you look past my pain and addiction and love me anyway? Can you see beyond the masks I wear to who I really am? Will you love me even when I disappoint and hurt you?”

I realize that stopping to see the “one” may be a bit frightening for us because “seeing” might compel us to become involved and that involvement would surely entail risk. Risk might mean personal cost but perhaps this is why so many people wear masks, hiding their pain, their fear and the broken places where they feel they will be rejected or abandoned but I believe we are in a time of revival. 

I believe that if we pray for courage like Esther, that God will heal us and transform us. I believe the Holy Spirit in union with Mary is calling up an army of radical laid down lovers for Jesus Christ and I believe this because I have already signed up.

Let me tell you how you too can sign up if you feel called into the battle that is such a time of this…for souls, or families and for the church, your yes is all that is needed. 

Your boot camp should begin with Marian consecration. I recommend  33 days to morning glory either by yourself or with a small group of women.  Your consecration feast day will reveal where in the battle Mary is calling you. If you deal with shame and feelings of unworthiness do the Consoling the Heart of Jesus study with a small group of women or on your own. 

I have been hearing the song “What am I living For” by Katy Perry playing in my ears for the past several months as I prepared for this conference so I am going to end with some of the lyrics.

I can feel this light that’s inside of me.

It’s growing fast into a bolt of lightening. 

I know one spark will shock the world.

So I pray for favor like Esther

I need God’s strength to handle the pressure.

I know there will be sacrifice but that’s the price

It’s never easy to be chosen, never easy to be called standing on the frontlines when the bombs start to fall. And I can see the heavens, but I still hear the flames calling out my name. 

I can see the writing on the wall. 

I can’t ignore this war.

At the end of it all

Who am I living for?

The Truth is that you and I were born into such a time of this.. just as Queen Esther was born into the time and place of God’s divine plan for the world. So too are you and I called into the world, at such a time as this.  I know who I am living for and the truth continues to set me free to embrace the greatness of my story so that I can bring His truth, life and love to others. Who will join me?  I think your standing ovation means that you are ready! Let’s roll ladies!

Katy Perry Song 

Longing To Belong

For as long as I can remember, I have longed to belong but have instead presented a version of myself that I thought might be accepted by others so that I would fit in.

“Belonging” by Valerie Gillespie

The online definition of “belonging’ is defined as a verb meaning to be a member or part of a particular group, organization or class. To fit in to a specific place or environment, to have the right personal or social qualities, to be a member of a particular group or to be rightly placed in a specific position. I loathe every single one of those definitions because they do not convey the deep longing that exists for someone who aches to belong.

Brene Brown, who is best known for her Ted Talks on Vulnerability and Shame, compares and contrasts what it means to ‘belong’ with what it means to ‘fit in’. She makes the clarification between the two which I feel gives us a more accurate definition because we can see that freedom exists with belonging and does not exist when we try to just ‘fit it.’ When attempting to fit in, we are attempting, to the best of our ability, to ascertain who we are to be with those around us and what the situation or circumstance is that we are encountered and then conforming or changing who we are as persons so that we “fit in” and so that we will be accepted.

Belonging, on the other hand, is about freedom of authenticity. It is the freedom from having to alter our selves so that we will be accepted, wanted and valued. When we belong, we are respected for who we are and loved without having to “do” or “be” anything other than ourselves.

In summary, belonging is being somewhere you desire to be with others you desire to be with and they want you. Fitting in is when they don’t care one was or the another whether you are there or who you are when you get there. Belonging is being accepted just as you are while fitting in is being accepted when you are just like everyone else. “I get to be me if I belong” vs. “I have to be like you to fit in”.

What I understand right now, in this moment is that as long as I settle for just fitting in I will never satisfy the deepest longing of my heart which is to be intimately seen, looked upon in love and to experience the safety of truly belonging. My deepest longing and desire is for the unique and unrepeatable gift of myself to be received. If I were to write a mission statement it would look something like this:

“It looks like stopping daily for the one in front of us and looking into their eyes.  We have to see the one.  If we cannot see the one, we will not be able to deal with the multitudes.  If we see the one, we will understand suffering, because we will see one parent suffering from the death of a child. We will see one widow trying to not lose their faith as they try to imagine how they will raise up their children alone. We will see the one in front of us that is struggling with pornography and the impact it has on their family.  Revival is about looking into they eyes of the person in front of you as they come into your life and looking into their eyes and seeing Jesus looking back at us. I desire to lead a radical army that sees goodness and truth and beauty in the lost and the broken.  We need a radical army of laid down lovers=a whole generation of those who are so full of passion and intimacy that they run into the darkness without fear to bring in the lost bride.”

Will you join me?

Are You Ready To Be Healed?

As a person who went to school for and earned a degree in Psychology, I have read many books regarding this subject of abuse, neglect and trauma.  Some of the graduate courses I took in Family and Individual Counseling required us to have patients and we recorded the sessions to be critiqued as a class with our professor.  Even then I was frustrated with the process of diagnosing a person with a disorder rather than to bring healing and freedom from triggers.

What traditional therapy does is diagnose and help cope with symptoms.  What inner healing does is make the person whole. It heals them, just like we heal disease of the body. It is my belief that inner healing can restore our “person”, our well being.

It is easy when we are dealing with a physical illness to  desire a diagnosis.  We see a doctor, get tested and get diagnosed so we can get medicine or start some kind of treatment.  But what happens when you have an identity wound? A wound that strikes right at the heart of what you believe about yourself.  You cannot get a blood test and have someone tell you to take this pill three times a day until it is better. I am that person that can help you determine which wounds you are carrying and how they act as a lens from which to view the world, thus distorting it. 

I want to walk alongside you to find the healing and wholeness that you deserve and desire. I want to help you identify the wounds and heal them. 

We are called to bring people truth, life and love but many of us are wounded from abuse, neglect or trauma. Being abused has a very real and powerful effect on shaping our identity.  To merely dismiss that and label someone as being “disordered” is, in my opinion, causing more damage and keeps our pain and cries for help unheard.

Identity wounds distort our ability to love ourselves, to love others and to love or know our God.  Instead of dealing with the real issue, our identity wounds, people are being  diagnosed with a disorder.  Ironically, the worst thing you could do to someone with identity wounds is to give them an identity as being “disordered”.  

Our experiences in and through our bodies shape our understandings and beliefs and those beliefs can bind us up in such a way that we act on those beliefs in disordered ways. Let me help you discover what is blocking you. 

When a person experiences a trauma it creates a deep wound penetrating our identity and distorting our beliefs. I will help you identify what beliefs you have formed in response to trauma and rightly order them as well as your responses to what triggers you. 

A person with identity wounds is unable to base their value and their worth on truth but instead their identity is reliant upon others.   Is this something you’re struggling to be set free from? I can help you. 

The only one that can give us our identities is God because He is truth, life and love from an unchanging source.  

 What if you have “God” wounds preventing you from going to God for this identity? Many people with sexual abuse wounds and other traumatic wounds form childhood have such a problem and I was no exception. If you are struggling from religion wounds or God wounds, this is a great place for us to start! 
I have opened up some time in my week for Life Coaching sessions. The Life Coaching sessions are 60 minutes long and include a digital workbook and a Wounds Chart for you to begin identifying what is triggering you and why. If you are interested in one of the few spots on my weekly calendar, please email me at The cost is a donation of $50 for an hour-long session and all resources are included.

How To Start A Movement Of Love

From a young age, many of us are encouraged to be a leader. This is not always easy or does not always come naturally to everyone. When thinking about starting a movement, the first thing that can come to mind is that there must be someone leading the movement. However, the power to create a movement is not in leadership alone but also in the followers and both need courage and empathy to succeed.

Every one of us, regardless of age, can be witnesses to truth, life, love, with courage and empathy helping to bring about a culture that protects and cares for others especially the marginalized. All it takes is a movement of love and that movement begins with the courage to be a leader or the courage to be a follower along with empathy for fellow human beings. Both of these roles are needed for a movement, without followers, the leader is just alone and without empathy we do not have true connection.

Both a leader and a follower must have the courage to stand out and be ridiculed. Why? Because a leader has to publicly stand in front of others and demonstrate something contrary to what is going on around them and the first follower risks the same to join. If the follower is embraced as an equal, if the leader demonstrates passion and drive to inspiring onlookers then the follower begins to invite others to join in the same spirit and this is when the “lone nut” becomes the leader of a movement. However, it must be said that it is the followers courage that births a movement.

Courage is required to create a movement. Having social courage means willing to risk embarrassment or exclusion, unpopularity or rejection by peers when you stand up for what is true and good.

Intellectual Courage means having the willingness to challenge ideas, question thinking and tell the truth at the risk of making mistakes or going against the crowd.

Emotional courage means being empathetic. This means having the willingness to feel with and for others when you see they are struggling and need someone to see and hear them when they are hurting rather than trying to put a silver lining on things. Empathy is equally as important to courage. One empowers you to stand in the arena of life the other allows you to connect to those who want to stop being bystanders but have not yet learned to follow. Be The Change.

Mental Health Matters

This is a very dangerous time for young people. The pressure to be “hot,” social media relevant, get good grades, be in advanced college prep courses and juggle relationships in school is what we think of when we think about what pressures lead to anxiety and depression. However, this generation has the added weight of dealing with peer pressure and bullying 24/7. Gone are the days when you could get on a bus and escape your bully. Now, (thanks to the internet) bullying goes on 24/7 and with smartphones, it follows them no matter where they go.

The poster in my office

We can see the real, tangible and undeniable effects of bullying in this video that IKEA put out showing a school that set up two identical plants. Both were given sunlight and water. The difference was one was set up on top of a speaker speaking bulling messages the other received affirming and complimenting messages over a 30 day period. The results were undeniable. One was wilting and dying and the other was flourishing. If we can see the effect of bullying and the power of negative words on a plant image how they effect people much less young people. With depression, many of us take those words and bully ourselves by allowing the words to play over and over in our minds.

While mental illness is far less stigmatized than it used to be, there still seems to be a lack of awareness or support systems in the schools to be proactive in addressing and caring for mental health. In fact, it seems to takes a back seat to grade point average, personal achievement and athletic performance.

But does it matter how fit or attractive you are, how academically successful you become or what spiritual practices you do if at the end of the day you decide to end your life because the worst thing you can imagine doing is living another day? This is a the reality for many of our youth.

According to the Mayo Clinic depression is defined as “a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. It affects how you feel, think and behave making normal day-to-day activities difficult and sometimes a person may feel life isn’t worth living.

These stats were put out by  suicide.orgteen and adolescent suicides and the amount of kids dealing with depression continued to rise dramatically in recent years. Consider these alarming figures:

  • Every 100 minutes a teen takes their own life.
  • Suicide is the third-leading cause of death for young people ages 15 to 24.
  • About 20 percent of all teens experience before they reach adulthood.
  • Between 10 to 15 percent suffer from symptoms at any one time.
  • Only 30 percent of depressed teens are being treated for it.

Some teens are more at risk for depression and suicide than others. These are known factors:

  • Female teens develop depression twice as often than males.
  • Abused and neglected teens are especially at risk.
  • Adolescents who suffer from chronic illnesses or other physical conditions are at risk.
  • Teens with a family history of depression or mental illness: between 20 to 50 percent of teens suffering from depression have a family member with depression or some other mental disorder.
  • Teens with untreated mental or substance-abuse problems: approximately two-thirds of teens with major depression also battle another mood disorder like dysthymia, anxiety, antisocial behaviors, or substance abuse.
  • Young people who experienced trauma or disruptions at home, including divorce and deaths of parents.

If that was not enough to sound the alarm, enter in the Pandemic, lockdown and resulting isolation that was imposed upon millions of our youth at a time in their life where every sociologist and psychologists say are the most important developmental years thus depriving them of the life experiences and connections that provide social and emotional learning opportunities needed for mental health.

The impact of the quarantine on mental health was brought to the forefront when Bo Burnham, who became hugely famous uploading his comedic piano performances onto Youtube, creating an entire performance using footage from his small apartment over a series of months. He created what is now known as the Netflix special “Inside” which documents his observations on life particularly, his anxiety and depression. In fact, he posted an image online to show how he had transitioned from coping somewhat successfully with his mental health issues to not coping and in fact spiraling downward.

While much of his work can be seen by some as irreverent, it seems the younger generation LOVE his music and his specials on Netflix. Never heard of him? Go ask someone who is under 30 and dealing with their own mental health issues, I bet they tell you they can sing his songs word for word. Why is that? because they see his work as see it as a performance art giving us a view into his experience as a person living with depression and anxiety. Perhaps it is his vulnerably raw performances that draws so many to his work. The lines from one of his songs in the Netflix special “Inside” gives us insight into a man struggling with mental health issues while in isolation.

“So, um, uh, my current mental health is, is rapidly
Approaching, uh, an ATL, which is, uh, that’s an all-time low
Not, not Atlanta
And you know, I feel okay when I’m asleep
Like, when I’m asleep I feel alright
But it’s basically
From the moment I wake up, I, uh, I just get thisFeeling in my body, way down deep inside me
I try not to fight it (describe it!)
A few things starts to happen
My vision starts to flatten
My heart, it gets to tapping, and I think I’m gonna dieYeah, so, uh, yeah, not, not doing great
“-‘All Time Low Song’

This may be a dangerous time for young people but it is also one of the most informative times. Now more than ever we have so many resources at our fingertips to get help and support. Bo Burnham has used his performance art to process and find connection and support while encouraging others to know they are not alone and to not be afraid to show others that they are struggling with mental health issues like anxiety ad depression.

Being able to tell their story is a predominant theme in addressing mental health issues in young people so that they do not become a statistic. Unfortunately we have already established that schools need resources to create opportunities for them to feel safe enough to make the connections. The is where Dignity Revolution comes in. It is An Evidence Based Curriculum coupled with a Teacher Training that gives teachers and staff the tools, activities, knowledge and training to provide a safe space and opportunity to for youth to speak about their own social and emotional health. It also can be paired with an amazing school assembly experience in which personal testimony and an illusionist take center stage to awaken the hearts and minds of youth and adult alike to see the value of every person. Ever person matters.

Thankfully, there is a budget for bringing in programs on diversity training and suicide prevention and Dignity Revolution satisfies the requirements of both. There are also many State and Federal grants to offer support after covid for our youth which would provide the monies to cover this program. They are a secular, non-profit organization dedicating to bringing the message of dignity and and value to every human being so if cost is an issue, do not let it be. They will help you find a way! If teachers need to have in service days at school helping them to continue their training and expertise for the students, shouldn’t one of those days be for social and emotional well being? Rather than assemblies on suicide awareness or how to hide from a school shooter, wouldn’t it be an even more powerful assembly if your message spoke to the kid BEFORE they acted on their pain, anger and despair? After all, I learned in college that depression is anger turned inwards which would explain how violence in schools is related to mental health and depression.

Perhaps another way forward, post pandemic, is helping our kids become upstanders instead of bystanders. To empower our kids to know, as an experience not know as a concept, how to make a connection with someone they see that is hurting or in need of help BEFORE that person becomes violent or self-harms. That would be make our schools safer and would empower an entire generation! Imagine learning how to deal with mental health issues starting in kindergarten all the way to graduation. It would not only transform our schools it would transform our families, our culture and even our world.

I challenge you to look into Dignity Revolution. It does not matter if you are a student, parent, teacher or neighbor. If you are a hear the value of this message to transform the culture of our schools than begin the process to bring us into your school by clicking the link. Perhaps you want to take the Dignity Pledge and share your story with us. It does not matter if you do this anonymously or if you use your name the important thing is that you find a way to share your story with someone who will listen. Then go out and be a messenger of hope and healing by listening to other peoples stories After all, wouldn’t we all want to listen to someone’s story rather than attend their funeral?

Internet Meme made famous by Ronnie McNutt

Inner Healing Sets You Free

These talks were recorded in 2015 at a workshop I gave over a 6 week period to around 40 or more people. We separated them into groups of 6 so that they could develop trust and relationship. We had an experienced prayer minister or mature Christian at each of the tables to lead and guide. We stopped for regular journaling and prayer.
Is All of That Necessary?
I don’t think that is all necessary but it sure was a beautiful experience.
Why Am I Posting This Now?
If you are finding this, I hope it helps you to find freedom. I also want to apologize to you for the ways our Churches have let you down by withholding the charismatic gifts of the Holy Spirit as well as the power that the Holy Spirit has to set captives free. I think they are scared of Him. Our protestant brothers and sisters seem to know more about him then many Catholics do and those who think they know him are led by fear and seem to try and destroy any ministries operating in the gifts. Again, I am sorry. I hope these talks give you some answers and truth.
So Are These Your Talks?
These talks are me giving my examples and my explanations and my insights using the knowledge and scripture and professional quotes compiled in the manual that You can get at the John Paul Healing Center
We purchased them directly from the Healing Center (giving all monies to them and we bought 40 “Be Healed” books as well. The course was free other than the materials and those costs went back to the originator of the manual).
I want to thank my friend Angie who took the journey with me to find healing and freedom. We are still on this journey but her trust in me and me telling her this was the way to go…led to us helping others find freedom. 
I want to reiterate that the talks below were given by me. I do not say that to get any notoriety or to promote myself, but to simply state I am not giving someone else’s talks away for free only my own.
The original talks that went with the manual given by Dr Bob were purchased and shared with every attendee so they could experience his teaching on the subject manner and my talks were for guiding our discussions and personalized to the group attending.
The talks below that I gave were on the weekly lesson material and were mean to open up the teachings and help make it relevant to those taking our 6 week retreat. Our hearts truly desired to minister to those in need.
Why Did You Leave Your Family Every Week For Two Months Giving Teaching, Prayer, Encouragement and Share Your Charismatic Gifts With The Church?
We did this because we wanted to give those we saw suffering  the spiritual food and drink that we found and desired to share with others. Not for any other reason but to answer the call, to run into the darkness and help bring in Jesus Lost Bride.
The 5 Talks Given On Inner Healing
Talk 1 Healing The Whole Person (Me)
Talk 2 Wholeness in Christ (Me)
Talk 3 Facing Our Brokeness (Me)
Talk 4 Inner Healing Prayer (Me)
Talk 5 Redemptive Suffering and Healing (Me)



If love had a face, what would it look like?

I read a great quote by Heidi Baker about revival looks like. She talked about how it looks like stopping daily for the one in front of you and looking into his or her eyes.  We have to see the “one’.  If we cannot see the “one”, we will not be able to deal with the multitudes.  If we see the “one”, we will understand suffering, because we will see one child that is dying from cancer. We will see one mother angry that God, the universe, the world, whatever or whomever was responsible for taking her innocent child. We will see the one widow trying to not lose her hope and dreams about having a a beautiful life as she tries to imagine how she will raise up his or her children alone. We will see one person, struggling with pornography and the impact it has on their beliefs about their own bodies or about how to be in relationship with other peoples bodies.  Revival is about looking into the eyes of the “one”  and seeing the “person” looking back at you, not the individual, the person.

Personhood is about individuality and being a unique and unrepeatable person chosen to come into existence into the world at this exact time and place for a reason. Out of the countless “potential” people who could have been chosen, personhood means that you are chosen. I believe that. I believe each person is chosen and called into existence. For some of you, that creator is the universe or divine energy, karma, or God. For others you may believe that your existence came into being only because two people had a baby but make no mistake, you are here and you are so unique that even your fingerprints and DNA speak that truth through science.

Not only are we unique but we are three parts. Our personhood is a triune being. It is physical matter, it is immortal soul (some call this energy that lives on after death or is transformed after death) and it is spirit. I do not want to get religious or specific in ways that will separate us in this discussion as my only purpose is to speak to how glorious we all are and how individual and complex it is to be a human being. Our unique treasure within the vessel of who we are is perfectly suited for love and the world is in desperate need of love. For now I hope we can agree that the world needs a revival and that revival must begin with an encounter of love.

What does that look like? Well, love is encountered in many ways. We can encounter love through a slow falling snowflake, drifting like a fat white fluffy snowflake, drifting down like confetti and landing on our tongues. Love can be encountered by the sound of the trees moving in the forest as a gust of wind comes and moves them in a rhythmic dance of stretching and swaying of each tree in unison. Love is encountered when a baby grabs the finger of its parent as it drinks its milk. Love is encountered in the embrace of one another. There are many ways we encounter love and each of us are called to enter into the revival bringing that love to others.

If love has a face, then let it be our face. We have to be willing to look at one another with love in our eyes and love in our hearts unafraid to be seen and to see the other.  The world needs lovers. I do not mean sexual lovers but I mean lovers of hearts, lovers of intimacy. The world needs people so filled with love they are overflowing upon all that they encounter.

The world needs a radical army of laid down lovers willing to see the good in every person especially in the lost and the broken. We need a generation of crusaders who are so full of passion and intimacy that they run into the darkness without fear to bring in the lost and broken.  Those who do not know love hide in darkness. We, who are lovers of all that is true, good and beautiful are to carry this as if it is a light carried in our vessels of clay, we are to be tabernacles, the hands and feet bringing hope to the h That is what love looks like. It looks like you and I opening our hearts to the hopeless.

lost bride

Love is not a mission or a program or a feeling or even an action or act of the will. Love is a living entity that is the source from which we draw upon. We are to be smalls signs of that love carrying it out into the darkness.

So why is it that when we are desperate for love that we seem to be incapable of giving and receiving it? Because you cannot give what you do not have. Why don’t we have it? Because many us have wounds from our childhoods caused by a lack of love or a distortion of what love actually is…

“Wounds caused by a lack of love, or a distortion of love, are often at the root of our brokenness. That’s why we call it ‘healing broken hearts’…healed by a positive experience of love.”- Emiliano Tardif

People are not perfect. The expression “hurt people hurt people” comes to mind.  The thing is…we must first encounter and receive love personally before we can be the face of love to others.  So if we are not encountering love in the people we meet then it may be because those people are hurting and are in need of healing. People are hurting because of a lack of love and affirmation.

“Love does not start with a good program. It cannot. It starts with being in love, being intimately connected to Jesus. It starts with knowing first that I am loved. I cannot give what I do not have. It is supernatural. It cannot be apart from Him. All living fruit in my life has come only from a living relationship with Him.” Michelle Perry

She is of course speaking about the source itself and once again I invite you not to get distracted by the word to describe the source. I may refer to the source as God but you may have another name. What I would hope to convey is that we need to be filled so that we can offer our excess to others in a gift of self. When we find healing we can hold all that is poured into us. Our hearts are filled to overflowing. When we are wounded, we leak like a sieve through the cracks created in our hearts by those who have wounded us with trauma, abuse or neglect. The enemies of our souls would have us to believe

We need healing so we can hold all of the love that God desires to pour into our hearts. Without healing, we leak like a sieve…the graces we receive from prayer and sacrifice just leak right out of the cracks. The enemy of our soul has us believing that none of this works, God is not real or that prayer and sacrifice don’t matter. The reality is we are barely able retain the graces God is giving to us much less share with anyone around us when we don’t address the places we are leaking.

leaky cup

We don’t need more programs. We don’t need more catechesis. We don’t need to focus on teaching the rules of religion. The “how’s and what’s” are killing people’s love. What we need is healing. We need to seek healing for our own broken hearts so that we can love others better.

love card

We are all family. Love desires to see the one in front of you. Love means stopping for the one and making a connection because every person is awaiting your face of love is asking themselves “Can you look past my pain and addiction and love me anyway? Can you see beyond the masks I wear to who I really am? Will you love me even when I disappoint and hurt you?”

I realize that stopping to see the “one” may be a bit frightening for some of you because “seeing” might compel us to become involved and that involvement would surely entail risk. Risk might mean personal cost and this is why so many people wear masks, hiding there pain, their fear and the broken places where they feel thew will be rejected or abandoned. However, I KNOW that we are on the cusp of a major revival. I KNOW that many people are praying for courage and beginning to say yes to the Holy Spirit so they can be the radical laid down lovers for Jesus Christ that the world needs so badly. I know because I am in that army.

What is the key to revival? SIMPLY PUT IT’S deeply and intensely Loving your Neighbor. Radical intimacy is needed because love has a face and it is not something it is someone and that someone is you. Are you so full of passion for Jesus that no matter what you are asked to do you will say yes?

Perhaps you are worried you won’t do or say the right thing. Well the truth is that there may be NOTHING you will be able to do but you can listen to their stories and pray with them. All we need to do is all things in love. Even the tone of our voice or making eye contact in a loving way can be an invitation to a hurting and lost soul to enter into deeper intimacy and this prepares the way for relationship with Christ, when they see Christ in us.

One thing we need to be better at is empathy. Many of us are sympathetic but not empathetic. What people desire is connection and when we are empathetic we connect to something in us that understands the pain or suffering in the other person in a real and personal way and we feel WITH people. Sympathy is a pat on the back and usually starts with words like “At least….” where we try to makes someone feel better or try to make them see the bright side or we say “when life gives you lemons make lemonade!” Well, if you lemons are the death of spouse how do you make lemonade out of that? This short video says all that you need to hear about how and why we need to STOP being sympathetic and learn to be empathetic so that we can honor one another in a more intimate and connected way.

Are you ready to reach out for the lost? Are you ready to be a radical laid down lover for Christ? Well, honestly, sometimes the way Jesus begins is by undoing us so that He can put us back together in a more whole and perfected way. We need to be transformed from the inside out. This happens with our own personal encounter. Encountering does not always feel warm and fuzzy or profoundly healing, sometimes it is more as though He comes and sits on you to make a point.  Sometimes pain and suffering is the only thing that will make us give in and stop running and surrender to Him and allow Him to do His work in our hearts and heal and transforming us so we can radiate love to everyone around us.


It is not what He is building around us it is what He is building inside of us that truly matters. We need to focus on the eternal things. Everything around us is in a state of decay, houses, cars, things rust and break down but Holy immortal souls are being lost and the Holy Spirit desires to set the world on fire with the burning love of the Trinity.

love looking

If love has a face, it is my face and it is your face and we have to look at one another with love in our eyes and love in our hearts. Who do you need to forgive so that you can begin loving them?

If you desire to be the face of love then pray this prayer right now!

Come Holy Spirit! Father, please come and heal my wounded and troubled heart. I beg you to heal the torments that are causing anxiety in my life. I beg you, Lord Jesus in a particular way, to heal the underlying source of my sinfulness. I beg you to come into my life and heal the psychological harms that may have struck me in my childhood and from the injuries they have caused throughout my life. Lord Jesus, you know my burdens. I lay them on your Good Shepherd’s Heart. I beseech you—by the merits of the great open wound in your heart—to heal the small wounds that are in mine. Heal my memories, so that nothing that has happened to me will cause me to remain in pain and anguish, filled with anxiety.  I want to forgive all those who have offended me. Look to those inner sores that make me unable to forgive. You who came to forgive the afflicted of heart, please, heal my wounded and troubled heart. Heal, O Lord Jesus, all those intimate wounds that are the root cause of my physical illnesses. Jesus, I offer you my heart. Accept it, purify it and give me the sentiments of your own Divine Heart.

Come Holy Spirit and Heal me. Heal me from the pain caused by the loss, death or abandonment of  my loved ones. Grant me the grace to regain peace and joy in the knowledge that you are the Resurrection and the Life. Make me an authentic witness to your resurrection, your victory over sin and death, and your loving presence among all men and women. Amen

“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing”. 1 COR 13:1-3

Victory over The Victim Spirit


What is the victim spirit?


“If there is a victim or predator spirit in this situation, I command you in the name of Jesus to stop & be silent.”

I declare I am no longer a victim and a target for abuse. In the name of Jesus Christ I declare I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me – Amen”. Lord, I choose today to see myself as a child of the king. Jesus, I receive since I am bought with a price that I am a royal priesthood and can walk with my head up high and that I do deserve good things from God.  Lord, I choose to accept the best from the Lord and not take the least again.  Amen.

Take the time to sign your name ________________________ and date it: ___________________ to acknowledge you are the Bride of Christ and a Royal Priesthood since the Lord is the King of the Universe and you belong to His kingdom and not the world’s kingdom.

Amazing Digital Book on Overcoming The Victim Spirit


I am complete in Him Who is the Head of all principality and power (Colossians 2:10).

I am alive with Christ (Ephesians 2:5).

I am free from the law of sin and death (Romans 8:2).

I am far from oppression, and fear does not come near me (Isaiah 54:14).

I am born of God, and the evil one does not touch me (1 John 5:18).

I am holy and without blame before Him in love (Ephesians 1:4; 1 Peter 1:16).

I have the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16; Philippians 2:5).

I have the peace of God that passes all understanding (Philippians 4:7).

I have the Greater One living in me; greater is He Who is in me than he who is in the world (1 John 4:4).

I have received the gift of righteousness and reign as a king in life by Jesus Christ (Romans 5:17).

I have received the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Jesus, the eyes of my understanding being enlightened (Ephesians 1:17,18).

I have received the power of the Holy Spirit to lay hands on the sick and see them recover, to cast out demons, to speak with new tongues. I have power over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means harm me (Mark 16:17,18; Luke 10:17,19).

I have put off the old man and have put on the new man, which is renewed in the knowledge after the image of Him Who created me (Colossians 3:9,10).

I have given, and it is given to me; good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over, men give into my bosom (Luke 6:38). 1

I have no lack for my God supplies all of my need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19).

I can quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one with my shield of faith (Ephesians 6:16).

I can do all things through Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:13).

I show forth the praises of God Who has called me out of darkness into His marvelous light (1 Peter 2:9).

I am God’s child⎯for I am born again of the incorruptible seed of the Word of God, which lives and abides forever (1 Peter 1:23).

I am God’s workmanship, created in Christ unto good works (Ephesians 2:10).

I am a new creature in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17).

I am a spirit being⎯alive to God (Romans 6:11;1 Thessalonians 5:23).

I am a believer, and the light of the Gospel shines in my mind (2 Corinthians 4:4).

I am a doer of the Word and blessed in my actions (James 1:22, 25).

I am a joint-heir with Christ (Romans 8:17).

I am more than a conqueror through Him Who loves me (Romans 8:37).

I am an overcomer by the blood of the Lamb and the word of my testimony (Revelation 12:11).

I am a partaker of His divine nature (2 Peter 1:3,4).

I am an ambassador for Christ (2 Corinthians 5:20).

I am part of a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a purchased people (1 Peter 2:9).

I am the righteousness of God in Jesus Christ (2 Corinthians 5:21). 2

I am the temple of the Holy Spirit; I am not my own (1 Corinthians 6:19).

I am the head and not the tail; I am above only and not beneath (Deuteronomy 28:13).

I am the light of the world (Matthew 5:14).

I am His elect, full of mercy, kindness, humility, and longsuffering (Romans 8:33; Colossians 3:12).

I am forgiven of all my sins and washed in the Blood (Ephesians 1:7).

I am delivered from the power of darkness and translated into God’s kingdom (Colossians 1:13).

I am redeemed from the curse of sin, sickness, and poverty (Deuteronomy 28:15-68; Galatians 3:13).

I am firmly rooted, built up, established in my faith and overflowing with gratitude (Colossians 2:7).

I am called of God to be the voice of His praise (Psalm 66:8; 2 Timothy 1:9).

I am healed by the stripes of Jesus (Isaiah 53:5; 1 Peter 2:24).

I am raised up with Christ and seated in heavenly places (Ephesians 2:6; Colossians 2:12;).

I am greatly loved by God (Romans 1:7; Ephesians 2:4; Colossians 3:12; 1 Thessalonians 1:4).

I am strengthened with all might according to His glorious power (Colossians 1:11).

I am submitted to God, and the devil flees from me because I resist him in the Name of Jesus (James 4:7).

I press on toward the goal to win the prize to which God in Christ Jesus is calling us upward (Philippians 3:14).

For God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, love, and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7).

It is not I who live, but Christ lives in me (Galatians 2:20).

Copyright © 2008 Joyce Meyer Ministries, Inc. 3





Why I Run: A 46 year old mom of 8’s story of couch to half-marathons

RUN MORNING OF FOX CITIES HALFWhy do I run? The quick answer is because I like how it makes me feel.


Running makes me happy. It excites me. I run because running is fun. I love the beauty of the sun coming up in the morning, reading the sign on race day and even being inspired by the those pushing special needs or handicapped persons.


The long answer requires me to explain how a 46 year old mother of 8 children that never ran before suddenly signed up for a half-marathon and then did four more over the course of a six month period. Ya, I am kind of intense that way. Well really it came as a challenge from a high school friend who was fighting breast cancer but had started running half-marathons and I was like “If she can do it, so can I!”

Me my first time on treadmill in January of 2015


By the I ran those half-marathons almost back to back  but I am not an athlete, on the contrary I am out of shape and over weight. I had no idea what I was doing so I used the internet to try and help me figure out what to do and how to do it.

I suffered from huge welts under my DDD breasts because I didn’t know about friction till ran my first long run. It would take me a year (and many experiments with options I read about online) before I discovered I could put Kineseology tape on my bra line to protect me from the rubbing. I came up with that on my own (your welcome large breasted runners).

I  learned the hard way you have to have good shoes. I thought I had good shoes, but I was wrong. I discovered pain in parts of my body that I didn’t realize I had muscles in.  The first few weeks I had horrible knee pain and almost gave up. I had no idea what a pace was and was constantly frustrated with my times and with being to tired to run. If I hadn’t taken the advice of my friend and signed up as soon as I decided to train I probably would have quit.

My first race was the Oshkosh half-marathon. My daughter signed up to run with me. We arrived almost a half hour late because I did not understand the race day schedule. I had us start late and run anyway cause I did not work that hard to go home now!  I ran the entire way because I thought that running a half-marathon meant I had to run the whole way. I knew nothings of intervals and would not learn about them till about 8 weeks ago which is almost 2 years into running. At the completion of my race I cramped up so bad I could barely bend my legs to get into the car. For almost a week after I could barely walk. I learned to stretch after running and to not stop running completely but make sure in the days following a race some movement even if only a mile or two walking is necessary to keep things limber.

Because I am stubborn (and because I registered for three more races upon the advice of a friend who said if you don’t register you will give up) I started running again, well, once I was able to get moving again that is.


My second race was the Rock and Sole in Milwaukee. I had a woman loss consciousness in front of me at the last mile marker. They were giving her CPR. She made it but just a head of me a 20 year old boy from the University of Oshkosh dropped dead after crossing the finish line. My husband asked me if I was sure I should do this after all, I was a just a 45 year old woman, out of shape, past my prime and I had no idea what I was doing. I learned during this race that if you have long hair ( and especially if it rains)  it is best to braid your hair or it will ball up into a nasty knot. It took me two days to get out all the knots.

At my third race was the Hilbert Cheesehead Race. It is close to my house and it had a cool medal so I signed up. I had decided since I am in so much pain and discomfort after a race I shouldn’t do races far away because I am practically immobile after. I now realize that my lack of proper training is why I was so miserable after my runs. At the Hilbert race I learned that just because they give  you water doesn’t mean you should drink it. I was worried about getting dehydrated so I drank at every water station plus I had my own two water bottles. I had to stop and go to the bathroom so much that I really struggled and at one point I was miserable as there was no bathroom for quite some time. I learned how much I usually will need to run and to stick with it.

I ran a few 5k’s during the summer as well but there is just something about the challenge of a half-marathon that made me keep signing up for them.

My fourth race was the Fox Cities Marathon. I remember learning that you could walk a half-marathon when a number of elderly people WALKING at pace that even my slow jog could not keep up to, PASSED ME!  The word “Walker” was on the back of their shirts.  It was quite depressing as I was “running.” I made several mistakes at this race. The first was changing what you do on race day. I guess that is like the number one rule but being self trained I missed that one. At about mile 6 they were passing out oranges and apples as well as water and gel.



I remembered watching iron mans on TV and seeing long distance runners saying you need to eat during the run to keep the energy up. While a half-marathon is not an iron man I thought the logic sounded good so I ate some oranges and apples. Remember I still knew nothing about intervals at this point but I did notice some people were walking and then running. I would pass a lady and the next thing I knew she passed me. For several miles the same people would pass me and then I would pass them till they finally disappeared in front of me. I couldn’t figure out how people that were walking then running pass me when I ran the whole time! They then disappeared because they had more endurance I kept getting slower.

Out of frustration I decided at mile 11 to walk. I thought I would walk for a mile to gather my strength and to rest my body so I could run hard the last mile. Well, remember how your not supposed to change something on the day of your run? Around mile 12 my stomach became very ill. In fact, I began getting the worst stomach cramps of my life. I had to walk the 13th mile because there was no way I could start running again. I managed a little jog for the last few hundred feet because of course I thought I must look pathetic walking across the finish line. The other reason I made myself jog is embarrassing. I had to google it to understand why it happened.

Sudden onset explosive diarrhea.  How could that have happened you ask?  It began the night before. It seems you have to eat well the night before a race, usually high carbs like spaghetti dinner or other pasta dish. Not me, I  had Mexican food the night before with a couple margarita’s. Not the best choice. It also seems that when you run for so long the blood gets diverted to the extremities and away from  your digestive system. When you stop running the blood goes back to the main organs and fires ups the digestion system. Combine the Mexican food, the oranges and apples signaling to my body that we are no longer running but eating as well as me coming to walking pace rather than running pace and you get explosive diarrhea that keeps you in a porta potty for an hour after your race.  I learned not to change your routine on race day.


My fifth race was at the University of Wisconsin Madison. I ran this with my daughter Sarah. She was much faster but it was fun having someone to sign up with.


We were there to explore the campus that my daughter Elisha was going to attend the following year. I figured as long as I was there, I could run the half-marathon. I had become addicted to medals. I still am addicted to medals.


This should have been my best race but was my worst. I had to walk almost all of it because I barely ran leading up to it because I was suffering from horrific shin splints and a stress fracture  that had kept me up nights with throbbing pain.


When I was passed by a 70 year old man I got pretty depressed.  I did the run but was really unhappy about my time. I also was depressed because I still had not lost a single pound even though I had begun running on a weekly basis. I went from the couch to running and did not lose any weight. I finished my half-marathon in 3 hours and 10 minutes which was my worst time ever. I don’t think I learned anything on this run. Instead I just became depressed and gave up.

For the next 3 months I did not do anything and gained almost 20 pounds. How did I do that? No clue. I was pissed. I decided to start training again for the Oshkosh half which is in April every year and started preparing in January. My shins starting acting up right away and the leg with the stress fracture got really bad really fast. I hate cross training and I hate lifting weights cause I have no idea how to do it) so I spiraled downward.


I ran maybe twice a week knowing that my April run was going to be rough. The week before the Oshkosh half-marathon I had horrible chest pain that radiated down my left arm. I did not go to the doctor. I ran the Oshkosh half but took what I had learned so far and applied it so it was not so bad. I finished over 3 hours but at least I finished. My daughter was going to run with me but ended up having to work. My nephew (pictured) literally decided the night before to take her spot and ran (show off) so that the money for the registration was not wasted. The next week I went to the doctor’s and found out I had an arrhythmia and high blood pressure. I was signed up for the Green Bay Cellcom run but had to miss it because of my blood pressure. I was signed up Hilbert and missed it. I was signed up for the Fox Cities Marathon and missed it.

It is not like anyone would miss me. It was very lonely running because I did not have any companionship and no one knew me. My husband usually just showed up at the end to clap and take me home. I was always very envious of all the people who had signs for them encouraging them at different mile markers or those who had running buddies. I had asked a couple of people I knew that ran if they would run with me but they had their own buddies already. I was very depressed about not having any support and with these new issues I just quit. I gained more weight. Got more depressed. I started to drink more cause “why not?”

January of 2017 I decided that if I wanted my blood pressure to get better I had to lose weight. If I want to lose weight I have to exercise. The only exercise I actually enjoyed was running. Why do I enjoy it? First of all I forgot how much I love music. I used to listen to music all the time but then I had 8 kids and there was always so much noise in the house the last thing I wanted was music blasting. I have made myself amazing playlists of music that moves my soul and encourages me and makes me cry when I am running. It is like the music helps me to quiet the thoughts in my mind and helps me to feel and meditate and pray and contemplate my life and the hardships and joys and everything in between. I never have time to honor that expect when I am running. I also make so many excuses as to why I should not give myself that time. There is always laundry, housework, shopping for groceries cooking or other things that have to be done so to say “I am going to go for a run” was super hard for me to justify. I felt guilty for doing it.

I was finally able to overcome this when I saw a post on facebook by Fleet Feet about a program called “Winter Warriors.” It was a program through the winter to encourage running and training. I was terrified to sign up, what if they know I am not really a runner. What if they are all friends and I am just alone? I was signing up because I needed help and motivation to do the thing I love but cannot justify giving to myself. The other reason is laziness. I need accountability because sometimes staying on the couch in winter when it is 15 degrees out sounds better than running. Do you know what is crazy? I actually love running in the cold more than running when it is hot. I love seeing my breath in the night air and the colorful light up vest I wear energizes me.

Out of the 10 weeks offered about 3 or 4 were cancelled for below zero temps and I skipped about 4 others only coming to two or three. The first night I went I was the very last person and it made me feel really inadequate.

My self talk tapes were on full blast and screaming to me about how out of my league I was and how I should just give up being a wanna be runner. It was really intimidating to see everyone who already seemed to know everyone and have buddies and all seemed to have great paces and I was just clueless. I signed up and paid for registration for a 10k but because I did adequately train I changed it to the 5k. The morning of the event I did not even go. I felt like I was not really apart of the group and would feel left out or awkward trying to tag along.

Then I got a jacket. The group all received a running jacket.  That jacket meant a lot to me. When I picked up my jacket from Fleet Feet and saw the Winter Warrior logo on it I felt like I had the possibility of being a part of something. That jacket means a lot to me. I decided to sign up for the Spring training and continue making a regular commitment. So what if I missed almost all the previous runs at least I went to some and was trying. I could keep trying.

I signed up the Summer training and met a young woman who was also new. She had only run a 5k. We ran together that night. She told me I helped her push herself, me! She told me she would see me on Saturday and I was like, ok now I have to come. This is what I was looking for, accountability. We ran together on Saturday and it was awesome! We ran 4 miles and it was getting easier for me because this new group I was running with who called themselves the “Back of the Pack” taught me about intervals. I found I could run farther and faster than I have ever run using intervals! Right now I like 2 min running and 1 min walking but I am thinking of changing the walking to 45 sec and then maybe 30 sec but not sure  yet.

My desire is to run a marathon. Right now it seems like a unattainable challenge but somehow I think If I stick with this group I am in they will help me meet my goal and succeed in this challenge I have set for myself. I know this because they have already helped me so much.

I run because the person I have been created to be has gotten lost over the years in the roles I have to play in my life. I am the counselor, the friend, the speaker, the mother, the wife and running allows me to spend time with Christina. I have time to think about what is going on in my life. It gives me a runners high and a feeling of accomplishment especially when life is so stressful. Running is something that has also allowed me to feel valuable and helps me to make healthier choices. I keep running because I am excited about the next challenge in front of me that won’t tear me down but will build me up. Usually challenges in our lives have the capacity to hurt us or create added stress in our lives but running only adds to it. The challenge to shave time or run farther pushes me to accept the next challenge and I have such pride in myself when I am able to do meet those challenges. Running makes me happy. It excites me. I run because running is fun. All I  need is cheer leaders on race day.













What Is Trust? Week 1 Day 1


I have received profound healing in my relationship with God through the Hearts A Fire retreat’s written by Fr. Michael Gaitley. 33 Days to Merciful Love is proving to be a beautiful and wonderful book that I believe is a gift to the Church for these times. We are now in a time where so many of us have been wounded by people and sometimes even by the Church herself.

hurt churchWhen the Church is who hurts us, we may be tempted to believe that God is not Good or that we are not good or deserving of anything good. I have met many people deeply and profoundly wounded by the Church. This has created a huge division in our world. I believe this book/retreat is a tool that can begin to heal division and bring all Christian souls together with one uniting purpose; to receive the merciful love of Jesus Christ and then to bring it to hurting souls in our broken world.

In the Catechism of the Catholic Church (397) it says that “Man, tempted by the devil, let his trust in his creator die in his heart…” lets talk about what this means. First of all we are all created in the image and likeness of God. Male or female we are icons of the truth, life and love of God walking around on earth and we are supposed to be making visible the invisible reality of God through the living our of our lives in union with God. However, when the devil comes and whispers his lies, we can in a sense, divorce ourselves from God and accept the proposal of the evil one.devil liar

Why do we do that? Because the father of lies wants us to believe that God is not trustworthy and does not want to honor our desires.  He begins by planting seeds of doubt. We doubt that God loves us, doubt that He desires to bless us, doubt that he will honor our desires. This doubt leads us to fear. In our fear, we may respond by grasping or taking instead of remaining in a place of trust.  Doubt means to be uncertain, to fear, to be afraid. Why do we plan and strive for what we think will bless us rather than wait for God’s timing or say on the matter? Because we are afraid and we hide ourselves. We turn away from God. Fear-is-a-Liar

Now that we understand that the evil one uses doubt to tempt us to believe his lies, we need to identify what our desires are and where we may have doubts so that we can invite the Holy Spirit it shine his flashlight of truth there and help us to come back into union with God.light

Dr. Phil says “you can’t change what you won’t acknowledge.” This is so true! We must first see where we are being lied to before we can divorce ourselves from the liar and come into union with God and his truth and will for our lives. If we pretend that we don’t need God or that what we are doing is God’s will when it isn’t we will remain miserable, lost and afraid.

By inviting the Holy Spirit in, we expose where the enemy of our soul (Satan) has put fear into our hearts. Adam and Eve were afraid and so they hid themselves. God desires for us to take off the fig leafs we hide behind. He wants us to not be afraid because He promises us that He will always show up. He wants to honor our desires and he wants to heap a double portion of blessings upon each of us. The question is, do we believe Him and what, if any, lies are obstacles to His truth coming alive in our hearts? One way to discover the answer to these questions is to journal. journalWhen we journal we contemplate, we meditate, we hold truth in our hearts and ponder it thus allowing it to be birthed within us. It is in this secret place where the Holy Spirit begins to speak to us. It is as if the Holy Spirit is a flashlight that illuminates things that we cannot see in the darkness. When we journal, our thoughts and emotions as well as our will is engaged and in this sacred place and time the Holy Spirit shines His healing light on the broken places in our hearts, minds and souls. He speaks to us gently there telling us what it is he wants us to know about his love for us.

After reading through “What is Trust” (Week 1 Day 1) I have put together some thoughts and questions to ponder and journal through.

Do we believe God is trustworthy? Are you afraid that God cannot be trusted to honor your heart’s desires?  Why or Why not?

Where have you felt God has not shown up in your life or where do you feel you are still waiting for him to bless you?

Think of one memory in which God did show up or bless you?

What is it that you desire God to do in your life?

Now quietly pray to the Holy Spirit to come and shine a light on this desire and ask Him to show you what He wants you to know about this desire of your heart.


Prayer: Come, Holy Spirit, fire of mercy, Help me better to know the great and unsurpassable goodness of God. Amen